The 5 questions to ask yourself before leaving a relationship, according to an expert
DIVORCE therapist Emma Heptonstall, author of Amazon bestseller How To Be A Lady Who Leaves, guides people on how to be ready for the big break-up.
She says: “The decision to divorce is bigger than the decision to marry, as you’ve likely entwined your families, finances and friends, and you may have children.
“I always advise people to focus on themselves first.
"It will give you clarity, while also giving you confidence that your decision is right for you, your children and your partner.
“Unless you are in a high-conflict situation, whether that be physical, emotional or financial, give yourself the gift of time to sit with the decision.
“Create a plan, whether that’s seeking relationship support or a divorce plan.
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“Before calling a solicitor, ask yourself . . .
1. WHAT DOES ‘RIGHT’ LOOK LIKE?
If you’re considering getting a divorce then something is wrong in your relationship, but what does “right” look like for you?
What is important to you in a relationship – this reveals your values – and do you see a way you might achieve these things in this marriage?
2. HAVE YOU TRIED TALKING?
When marriages become unhealthy it’s usually because communication has stopped.
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How easy is it for you to talk to your spouse and could you try, even if it felt awkward at first?
Use “I” statements rather than “You are . . . ”
3. ARE YOU WILLING TO TRY RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLING?
It can be a lifesaver for your marriage, or it can be a safe and helpful venue to explore the subject of leaving.
It can set the tone for an amicable divorce – if that’s what you choose.
4. WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO CHANGE?
When people are considering divorce they are usually full of indignation and sadness.
They feel let down.
But it takes two to make a marriage work.
As well as thinking about what you would like your spouse to change, consider what you are prepared to change and then broach the subject.
5. ARE YOU HAPPY WITHIN YOURSELF?
I tell my clients: “You take yourself with you”.
If you are not happy with yourself, you won’t be happy after divorce either.
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Be clear what you are running away from.
Work through what is at the root of your feelings of unhappiness.”