I promised to stop drinking every New Year, but by midday, I’d be drunk again, says Michelle Heaton
WAKING up on another New Year’s Day, Michelle Heaton realised she was physically shaking, as she held her head in her hands.
Filled with a familiar feeling of fear, nausea and pain, she knew she needed another drink to be able to function that day.
The previous night, New Year’s Eve, she had downed a litre of vodka as well as a bottle of wine, which was sadly not unusual for the former Liberty X singer.
Thinking of her two beautiful young children Faith and AJ, and devoted husband Hugh Hanley, Michelle fought back tears as she realised just how much she had to lose.
This time, on New Year’s Day 2021, she wanted to stop boozing for good.
Now, after almost three years free of alcohol, Michelle, 44, recalls: “Every New Year, for at least the five years before I quit, I promised myself, and everyone else, that I’d stop drinking.
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“I would swear I’d be sober for January — but by midday on the 1st I’d be drunk again, back on the bellinis. I just couldn’t stop.
“When you have alcohol problems, you’ll find any excuse.
“Feeling happy? Let’s celebrate by drinking. Feeling sad? Let’s make it better with a glass of wine. It’s New Year’s Day — what’s one more drink to mark the occasion?
“Everyone around me knew that I was an alcoholic. But I didn’t. In the midst of addiction, you can’t truly see what’s going on.”
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Days from death
It was April 2021, after years of heavy boozing, when Michelle finally took back control, by checking into the Priory Clinic for alcohol addiction.
But even now, every New Year serves as a reminder of just how far she has come.
She says proudly: “Although April is my sobriety anniversary, this will be my third New Year sober.
“And when I think about it like that, it really is amazing.
“That first Christmas and New Year was really tough — of course, I wanted to drink and I had to really fight that.
“But I got through it, and then the second one was easier — I didn’t feel like I was triggered or that I wanted to drink. And now . . . this is my life.
“The reason I have to keep up my recovery and keep going is to remind myself that if I was to take just one drink, I’d be right back where I started.”
According to Alcohol Change, more than one in four people want to reduce their alcohol intake in 2024, with 8.5million planning on taking a break entirely.
Michelle insists those who stick to it will not regret it: “Giving up alcohol was the best decision I ever made.
“The bottom line is, not drinking alcohol is way better than drinking alcohol.
“There’s so much research out there that proves just how beneficial it is. Your energy levels improve, you feel happier, fitter and more focused.
“For those who don’t have alcoholic tendencies and only want to take a break, or give it up for a month, I would encourage that. You would never regret it.”
If there’s one person who would know about the physical effects of booze, it’s Michelle.
By the time she had made her decision to go to rehab, the singer says she was days from death, the organs in her body dangerously close to shutting down entirely.
She says: “My pancreas didn’t work properly. My liver function was very, very abnormal and it created a lot of problems.
“My belly was solid, especially on the right-hand side where the liver is, and it was constantly painful.
“I had bad eating habits as well — I’d choose booze over food. My body wasn’t getting the nutrients it needed and my pancreas couldn’t digest what I did consume. I was very, very sick. I just couldn’t function without alcohol.
“By the time I checked into the Priory it was physically painful to take a drink. Finally, I’d got to the point where I was out of options. It was either rehab or certain death.”
Thankfully, the Priory proved a success for Michelle — eventually leading her to exciting new opportunities such as taking part in Dancing On Ice at the beginning of this year and Celebrity SAS on Channel 4, which aired in September.
But there were some rock-bottom moments along her way.
During Christmas 2020 she found herself in hospital on a drip for 48 hours after blacking out following a marathon drinking session in Liverpool.
After later being discharged, she walked straight to the nearest off-licence and later admitted she “couldn’t see a way out” of her booze habit.
Another time, a few weeks earlier, she collapsed backstage at a theatre where she was due to perform, dangerously dehydrated thanks to the effects of booze.
She recalls her kids Faith, 12, and AJ, nine, joking about how much “Mummy loves wine” and the grave toll her addiction took on her husband, Irish businessman Hugh, 45, who she married in 2010.
He had always been an unwavering source of support, but was at his wits’ end as Michelle’s drinking spiralled out of control.
She says: “Hugh will admit there were moments where he was considering asking me to leave. And I look back now and I understand it.
“At the time it was mind-boggling why he would even have threatened it, but of course in hindsight I understand. It wasn’t like he wanted to leave me to drink myself to death, but I was killing him in a way.
“He didn’t want to stand around watching me kill myself. It was so, so hard for him.
“He and my friend had previously staged an intervention to get me into rehab, but I’d managed to convince them I could overcome my problems by myself. Of course, I couldn’t.
“For me, knowing that you are hurting yourself and the people around you is a horrible place to be. You feel so alone.”
Now Michelle is an ambassador for Rehubs, an online programme for people with addiction who struggle to get to rehab for financial and other reasons.
She says: “It’s a 28-day programme — exactly like I did — with brilliant counsellors and meetings but it’s all online. It’s for people who can’t stop work, or leave their kids. It gives them the opportunity to experience what I did but from the comfort of their home. It’s an incredible thing.
“The people I’ve spoken to who have done it are proof it’s the real deal. Getting rehab online, to places where people can’t afford it, it’s a game- changer.”
And Michelle insists you do not have to be in the depths of despair, like she was, to seek help.
She says: “Don’t get to the point I did. You don’t have to hit rock bottom, In fact, if you wait to hit rock bottom before you get help, it’s pretty silly.”
Instead, she urges those with a drink problem to examine the consequences of their boozing and, if these are not good, to take action.
Michelle says: “If anybody is unsure about whether they want help, just look at whether or not drinking has any negative impact on your life. If it does, I would suggest seeking advice. It won’t do you any harm.”
The way Michelle turned around her life is evident as she prepares to see in 2024 healthy and happy.
Hugh and the kids are in Ireland while Michelle does panto in Kent — and she will enjoy a quiet night in with her mum Christine on New Year’s Eve, without a drop of booze in sight.
She says: “We’ve already got the takeaway pre-ordered. I can’t wait to have a night in, chatting and relaxing.
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“But I’ll also go to my AA meeting. Sobriety doesn’t stop just because it’s December 31. I’ll attend my meeting then see in the New Year peacefully. That’s the dedication you need — but I am living proof that it’s worth it.”
- For more information about Rehubs, see .
5 Warning signs
HERE are some dangerous lifestyle patterns that Michelle urges drinkers to look out for . . .
LOOK AT CONSEQUENCES: If bad things are happening to you or other people as a result of your drinking, it might be time to step back from the bottle.
MEMORY LAPSES: Are you waking up with huge gaps in your memory?
If you can’t remember what you did the night before, it’s a big red flag – it could be that you’re consuming too much to handle.
LACK OF CONCENTRATION: Is your work starting to suffer? For those struggling to concentrate and only thinking about leaving their desk at 5pm to go down the pub or have a glass of wine, that could indicate a problem.
TROUBLE SLEEPING: If your sleep is beginning to suffer as a result of the booze, it’s well worth stepping back.
Sleep is such an important aspect of your health, it would be foolish to compromise that.
CHANGE IN APPETITE: Losing your appetite or simply not eating the right things because you’re consuming more and more booze is massively unhealthy.
Keep an eye on your diet, and if alcohol is interfering, it might be time to say goodbye to it.