Mum burnout left me too exhausted to leave the house or get out of bed – the signs that you’re suffering from it too
JUST when parents thought they had recovered from the school summer holidays, half-term is already upon us – bringing anxiety for many.
But if your stress levels make you feel overwhelmed and exhausted, you might be suffering from mum burnout.
As soon as the school holidays begin, online searches for “parental burnout” spike, according to analysis from business-support platform Officeology.
Sixty three per cent of mums say they have driven themselves to exhaustion with the pressure to be a supermum, with one in five saying it has affected their mental health, according to research from health insurer Bupa UK.
Parenting expert and former deputy headteacher Sue Atkins says: “There is so much pressure on parents. Burnout can lead to a sapping of energy leaving you feeling helpless, hopeless, cynical and resentful.”
Try Sue’s quiz to see if you are suffering from mum burnout.
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Take the quiz
Q) How often do you feel overwhelmed by your parenting responsibilities?
a) Rarely or never
b) Occasionally
c) Frequently
d) Almost constantly
Q) How would you describe your overall energy level?
a) High energy most of the time
b) Moderate energy with occasional dips
c) Frequently tired and drained
d) Constantly exhausted
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Q) Do you find it challenging to relax or take breaks from parenting?
a) Not at all
b) Sometimes
c) Often
d) Almost always
Q) How often do you experience irritability or impatience towards your children?
a) Rarely or never
b) Occasionally
c) Frequently
d) Almost constantly
Q) Are you able to find time for self-care activities that you enjoy?
a) Yes, regularly
b) Occasionally, when I can
c) Rarely, if at all
d) Never
Q) Do you feel guilty when taking time for yourself or prioritising your needs?
a) Not at all
b) Sometimes
c) Often
d) Always
Q) Are you able to rely on a support network for help with parenting responsibilities?
a) Yes, I have a strong support system
b) Occasionally, but not consistently
c) Rarely, if at all
d) I don’t have any support available
Q) How often do you feel emotionally detached or distant from your children?
a) Rarely or never
b) Occasionally
c) Frequently
d) Almost constantly
Q) Are you experiencing physical symptoms such as headaches, sleep disturbances, or digestive issues?
a) No physical symptoms
b) Occasional physical symptoms
c) Frequent physical symptoms
d) Persistent physical symptoms
Q) How would you rate your overall level of satisfaction and fulfilment as a parent?
a) Highly satisfied and fulfilled
b) Moderately satisfied with occasional doubts
c) Frequently dissatisfied or unfulfilled
d) Completely unsatisfied and unfulfilled
Scoring:
For each “a”, assign 0 points.
For each “b”, assign 1 point.
For each “c”, assign 2 points.
For each “d”, assign 3 points.
What is your burnout risk?
Conclusion
0-5 points: Low burnout: You are coping with parental stress, but keep an eye on your self-care and don’t be afraid to seek support.
You could start a babysitting circle with parent friends, so you all take it in turns to have the option of a babysitter to keep burnout at bay.
If you have a partner it is important, if you can, to use moments you have without the children to enjoy some alone time together. It is team-building.
6-10 points: Moderate burnout: You are experiencing some signs of burnout.
Prioritise your self-care and seek help and support to prevent further burnout.
Journalling is the act of putting your thoughts and feelings on paper, and it can help you process and release pent-up emotions.
Keep the journal private and vent or release your emotions in there.
If you are on the go with the kids at swimming classes or at the park, then you may be in need of a visualisation quick fix.
Close your eyes and imagine a peaceful and relaxing place, such as a beach or a forest.
Visualise the details of this special relaxing, positive place, including what you see, hear and feel.
11-15 points: High burnout: You are at risk of parental burnout, so take immediate steps to minimise this and maybe consider getting professional help.
Try a “grounding exercise”.
Sit or stand comfortably and take some deep breaths.
Focus on feelings in your body, like the weight of your feet on the ground.
This helps you stay present and reduces racing thoughts.
You can even do this while making the kids breakfast.
16-30 points: Severe burnout: You are experiencing significant parental burnout.
It is crucial you ask for help or seek support from family, friends or a professional.
The Family Lives charity provides information, advice and support on all aspects of parenting and family life.
Call the helpline on 0808 800 2222.
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There are lots of free wellness and mental health apps that can help you address your stress levels.
Popular meditation app Headspace currently offers a 14-day free trial.
My endless to-do list
YOUTH worker Laura Coyle scored a 12 on the quiz and believes she is suffering from mum burnout.
Laura and partner Luke, 31, a business manager, have two daughters Aida, three, and Raya, one. The 33-year-old, inset with Raya, from Leeds says:
"Sometimes I feel too exhausted to get out of bed or unable to get any ‘me time’ juggling children with my part-time job.
I was the first in our friendship group to have a baby.
And when I complained of parental burnout, people laughed.
But now my friends have kids they admit I was right all along.
Luke helps out, but I feel there is a huge burden on me to do everything and be perfect.
My parents don’t live locally to help.
I feel like I’m racing the clock from the moment I wake up until I get to bed.
When I get into bed at a ridiculously late hour, I feel angry that I haven’t worked through my endless mummy to-do list – such as cleaning, school runs, all while working, which I have to keep on top of.
In recent months I’ve been feeling shattered constantly.
I’ve cancelled meets with other mums because my schedule is overloaded and I find it’s harder to drag myself from the covers in the morning.
Social media isn’t helping, as so many ‘Instaperfect’ mums look to have it all together.
I find it almost impossible, to take a break from parenting and occasionally I find myself getting impatient with the kids.
I rarely take time for self-care and would feel guilty about prioritising me time. I’d feel I’m being indulgent.
After doing the quiz I plan to take more time for myself, even if it’s just 15 minutes a day to make sure I breathe deeply and calm myself.
I am honest about parental burnout but people I do talk to about it are judgmental and have said: ‘Well you shouldn’t have had kids.’
But that’s not the point.
The fact is we are human and kids are precious, so I want to give them all my time.
But I have to understand my capabilities and endurance only go so far.
We should talk about burnout more, as other mums feel admitting it makes them look like bad parents.
But I am proud to break the taboo, and believe burnout is very much a part of most mums’ lives.
It’s critical I get on top of my burnout before it takes me out entirely."