I’m a B ‘n’ B owner – from romping in the hot tub to storing sex toys in the fridge… what it’s really like

HOLIDAY season is a time to relax and let your hair down.

But for many B&B owners making your dream break happen, summer means high stress — and some questionable behaviour by their guests.

Vicky Saynor, 47, who runs Bethnal & Bec Luxury Stays in the village of Cottered, Herts, with hubby Chris, also 47, says some punters make themselves too comfortable — leaving condoms in hot tubs, stealing kitchen equipment and storing sex toys in the fridge.

She says: “Most guests are lovely but a minority are a nightmare, then later claim in their online reviews that we have been the rude ones.”

Vicky tells Alex Lloyd her rules for being a model guest. . . . 

FORGOTTEN ANYTHING? We all do forget things from time to time, but one guest managed to leave their large pink dildo behind — in the fridge.

The mind boggles as to why it was there in the first place. But it’s not the first sex toy I’ve found after checkout — and I always post them to the owner, but only one person ever said thank you. There are always knickers and bras under the bed, too.

GO EASY ON THE BOOZE: I’m often astonished by the number of empties that two people can accumulate in a couple of days.

Too much booze can also lead to some unpleasant incidents.

We recently had to call police after one couple were drunkenly rowing at full volume within just a few hours of arriving. It wasn’t relaxing for other guests.

CLEAR UP YOUR CONDOMS: When we first opened, one of our selling points was the hot tubs which came with each retreat.

But after way too much time fishing condoms and other disgusting things out of the water, we switched to Jacuzzi baths instead.

This means guests can fill them up when they need them and empty them after use — so they can sort out their own indiscretions.

If you use a hot tub, don’t leave the staff to clean up the remnants of your al-fresco sex session.

FAKE IT AT HOME: Most of us do our beauty treatments before the holiday, not during.

But some guests think it’s the perfect time to slap on the fake tan — or even dye their hair a new colour.

It ends up all over the bathroom and robes and is a nightmare to clean. I’ve had to opt for brightly patterned tiles and navy towels to disguise any discouloration, and even charge extra for cleaning.

DON’T BE A KEYBOARD WARRIOR: We recently had our worst-ever guests — when I saw the state of the room after they left, I burst into tears.

Things had been broken and they’d enjoyed lots of products from our “honesty larder” without paying.

My call to ask them to settle up went badly, resulting in our only one-star Tripadvisor review in six years. I was so angry and upset, I took the rare step of posting about it on social media.

It’s too easy to slate a small business with a few clicks of a keyboard, but this is our livelihood.

Luckily, within hours, 45 former guests posted glowing reviews, restoring my faith in humanity.

THINK BEFORE YOU THIEVE: Our toiletries are attached to the wall — so guests find other things to pinch instead.

Bathrobes and slippers are the most common but kitchen utensils frequently go walkies too.

After we got feedback that people wanted better knives for cooking, we invested in good sets.

They were all gone within six months. I’ve also given up putting fresh flowers in the rooms. Guests often took them home — along with my vases.

BRING YOUR OWN LOO ROLL: I take pride in the little touches we include to make everyone welcome. But if you want a meat thermometer in the kitchen — as one woman did recently — bring it yourself.

The expectation level is off the scale and I’m constantly astonished by some clients’ niche needs.

One even recommended we stock a certain brand of toilet roll. If you’ll only wipe your bum with Andrex, bring it yourself — or make do.

HAVE AN ACCIDENT? THEN TELL US: We understand things will get broken. But often guests sneak away without a word, meaning we have to make an awkward phone call later, if the damage is substantial.

We take a security deposit, but can’t legally deduct money without a guest’s agreement, which can leave a bitter taste.

One couple recently left the sofa damaged. However when we spoke to them later, they claimed it was like that when they arrived. Why not say so at the start, then?

DO YOUR OWN DISHES: Eighty per cent of our guests are very decent people, but the rest can be rude, disrespectful and even disgusting.

Slovenly behaviour has become worse since the Covid pandemic.

The number of times we find a kitchen full of dirty saucepans and dishes, despite there being a dishwasher to use, is simply staggering.

It’s not only disappointing, it makes it harder to get things ready in time for our next arrivals.