I’m an etiquette expert – the 9 rules to live by when on the phone – muting yourself at certain points is just the start

MANY of us will make telephone calls, but are you aware of the important etiquette rules you should be following when you’re chatting away?

Well, according to etiquette expert William Hanson, there’s some essential practices that you must take into account when on the phone. 

We spoke to William to get the lowdown on how to handle a phone call correctly and according to him, it’s extremely important that you mute yourself to cough, and never answer Facetime calls without headphones when in public.

Not only this, but he stressed that if Royal Mail knocks on your door, a simple mute is fine, but if it’s Asda with your food shopping, it’s best to let the caller know you’ll phone them back later at a more suitable time.

So if you want to ensure that you stay respectful when you next answer the phone, you’ll need to listen up. 

Location, location, location

According to William, when answering the phone, it doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to answer, but it’s highly important that your surroundings are suitable for the call. 

He told Fabulous: “With customer service calls, it’s expected that you answer the telephone within three rings. But if it’s just a friend phoning, if it takes five rings to answer the phone, it takes five rings. It’s not bad manners at all. 

“But remember, you don’t have to answer the phone. I get very frustrated when you phone people and they say ‘oh, I can’t really talk at the moment.’ That’s fine, but you shouldn’t answer the phone. If you can’t talk, don’t answer the phone. 

“The iPhone now has a function where you can send a text to the number that’s called you and let them know that you can’t answer the phone. 

“I have mine set to ‘Please give me a moment, I’ll phone you back in a couple of minutes.’

“Also, if you’re in a loud environment, it’s much better to not answer the phone and switch on the auto-response setting. Or if you can’t do the auto setting, just send them a text.”

Ditch AirPods and speakerphone 

William also explained that you shouldn’t answer the phone using Airpods, and you certainly shouldn’t use speakerphone in public without headphones.

He stressed: “A lot of Gen Zs will answer calls using their earphones, particularly using AirPods. AirPods are great, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not very good for making phone calls outdoors.

“They’re fine indoors, in quiet environments, but when you’re out and about walking, it’s actually really unpleasant for the other person to hear. 

“You don’t sound particularly clear, as good as the microphone is, it’s still quite far away from your mouth, compared to holding the phone up to your face conventionally. 

“It’s really unpleasant to have a conversation beyond 30 seconds when they are scrolling down Oxford Street and all of the hubbard of Oxford Street pours into the phone.

“Also, you don’t need to use speakerphone. It should never be speakerphone in public, full stop. I get really irritated with this.

“Don’t facetime in public without headphones too. It’s horrid. Also, the person on the phone might not necessarily want everyone else to hear their conversation. It’s odd and it shouldn’t be a thing.”

Use your caller’s name 

When you answer a phone call, William noted that it’s good etiquette to answer with the caller’s name.

He said: “When I was a little boy, I was always told to answer the phone and say ‘Hello, who’s speaking please?’, but I was answering my parents’ landline. That was before caller ID. 

“Now this is a bit redundant. If you know who is calling because of caller ID, say hello and use their name. We all like hearing our own name.

“Or ask ‘hello, how are you?’, something to let the other person know that you know who they are.

“Also make sure you save people’s numbers in your phone. People do business with people and it’s really nice to acknowledge people and make them feel seen.

“It’s important to save people’s numbers so you can be aware of who is calling.”

Limit the distractions

If you have a call planned, William explained that it’s a good idea to let others around you know beforehand.

He advised: “If family and loved ones are around, let them know you’re going to be on a call and ask them to be as quiet as possible.

“But if someone accidentally drops something, they accidentally drop something. No-one needs to get told off for that.”

Know when to call back

When it comes to background noise, William highlighted the importance of the mute button.

He added: “It’s good etiquette to mute yourself when there’s background distractions. And make sure to let the other person know what’s happening. Communicate with them about the situation.

“I think since Covid, people are much more forgiving and understanding that you might have the postman coming.

“I would say if the supermarket shop arrives, that’s more of a procedure, so let the caller know that you’ll put the shopping away and call them back as soon as possible. 

“But if you’re just signing something from Royal Mail, that can be a quick mute and then you can continue.”

Mute yourself to cough

As well as this, William also stressed that the mute button should be used for coughing, and any other untoward noises.

He revealed: “In effect, if someone doesn’t mute themselves to cough, you are, in effect, it is a telephonic equivalent of coughing in someone’s ear. 

“I might as well walk up to someone and just cough directly in their ear, which is what you are doing, and of course it’s worse on a telephone because the microphone is picking it up and the amplifier on the speaker is amplifying it. 

“It’s horrid and you wouldn’t do that in real life, so why are you doing that on the telephone?

“Pressing an easily accessible button is much easier for the person on the other end of the phone.

“In fact, any sort of untoward noise from any part of your body, you need to put yourself on mute.”

Keep the caller informed

Similarly, this etiquette expert explained that it’s good manners to keep your caller informed about when you will need to end the call.

He continued: “If you’ve called someone at 10:55am and you’ve got someone coming round at 11am, let them know. Communicate and manage their expectations.

“That is less rude than saying nothing and then at 11am saying ‘Oh the neighbour is here, I’ll have to call you back. Bye.’”

How to respond

When it comes to responding to your caller, William explained that the rules each gender should generally try to follow.

He noted: “When responding ong the phone, there is a slight gender difference. Generally, women prefer non-verbal communication signals, phatic talk, which is the ‘hmm’, ‘ahh’, ‘yes’ - the little noises to show someone that you are listening. 

“Whereas men don’t like that. Men see that as ‘this person is trying to interrupt me’, so often men will be silent when listening to other men, whereas women will use phatic talk. 

“My advice, if you are a man listening to a woman, give them the ‘mmhmm’, ‘ahh’, noises, whereas for women, if you are listening to a man, don’t do all of that as he will interpret that as ‘she’s trying to interrupt me.’”

When to wait

Finally, if you were on a phone call and the signal unexpectedly drops, William explained the rule you must follow.

He concluded: “If the signal drops, the person who initiated the call is the person who then has to phone again. 

“Otherwise, you will be phoning them, they will be phoning you and it won’t connect. 

“You’ll waste five minutes trying to figure out who is phoning who.”

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