I’m an etiquette expert – the 11 dos & don’ts for visiting someone’s home and why you must always say yes to a cuppa
IF you have plans to go to your mate’s house any time soon, then you’ll need to listen up quickly.
From not being stupidly late to taking off your shoes, Brits are often told to adhere to unwritten house rules when visiting someone’s home.
As a result, we spoke to etiquette expert William Hanson, to get his thoughts on the do’s and don’ts when visiting someone's home.
DO
Turn up on time, but not on the dot
William explained that it’s important that you turn up on time, but not on the dot.
He advised: “Turning up on time is the rule in England, but not on the dot of the agreed time.
“If we’ve said, come over for coffee at 11am, that doesn’t mean that the moment the clock strikes 11am to knock on the door.
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“The traditional etiquette was that you were five to ten minutes late, and that is still considered on time. You are not too eager, you’re allowing your host to have an extra five minutes to collect their thoughts and prepare.
“If it's dinner, I’d say be 10-15 minutes late but if it’s a cup of tea and a catch up with a friend, five minutes after the agreed time.
“That five to ten minutes extra can be very useful for the host. It gives them time to breathe and check the loo is ok.”
Pick up empty glasses or mugs
If your host makes you a cup of tea or gives you a glass of water, William recommended offering to help tidy up.
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William added: “You can offer to help to tidy up, absolutely offer, but if your host says no, no means no. And it’s probably because the kitchen is a disaster zone and they don’t want you to see.
“If your host picks up theirs and moves to the kitchen, then do the same, but it depends on the relationship you have with the person.
“Some hosts will want to wait on their guests hand and foot. They won’t want the guest to be the staff.”
Acknowledge pets and children
When visiting someone’s home, William stressed the importance of acknowledging everyone you meet there.
He continued: “If you go over to someone’s house - even if you are not a dog person, or if you don’t like kids - if your host has them, you do have to acknowledge them.
“You don’t have to have them on your lap - and that goes for children and pets - but a little stroke, a ‘hi, how are you?’ is the bare minimum.
“It shows that you think you’re incredibly grand if you ignore a pet or family member in the home.”
Take off your shoes if asked
Although it can be a bit of a faff, William explained that if a host asks you to remove your shoes, you must do so.
He advised: “Some people get very prissy of their carpets and don’t want dirt on their carpet or don’t want them messed up.
“Respect if it’s someone’s wish to take off your shoes.”
Return the hospitality
Not only this, but William revealed that if someone invites you over, you should make sure to send them an invite to yours the time after.
He noted: “If someone has had you over, really it’s your turn to return the favour next.
“A bit like a tennis match, it’s a nice back and forth.
“It keeps it exciting to not always go to the same person’s house.”
DON’T
Be early
Whilst you shouldn’t be late, William stressed that being too early is not a good look.
He claimed: “The key thing is to not be early. Don’t be tempted to knock on the door at 10:50am if you’ve arranged to be there at 11am.
“It just says that you’re super eager and that you haven’t really thought about your host.
“They might have just got home - so go for a walk, sit in the car, scroll on TikTok, just do whatever you want to do, other than ring the doorbell early.”
Refuse a drink
When visiting someone’s house, William discussed the importance of never refusing a drink.
He shared: “You should never refuse a drink.
“Whether it's tea, coffee or water, if you’re going to someone’s house, accepting the hospitality that is offered is the bare minimum.
“Even if you drink half of it, just accept something. It’s quite rude to say no. And in some cultures it’s incredibly rude.”
Help yourself in the fridge
Regardless of how hungry you are, according to William, helping yourself to food in the fridge is a major no no.
He explained: “You should absolutely not help yourself in the fridge.
“Unless directed, don’t open cupboard doors, don’t open fridges. Absolutely not.
“It is too presumptuous and is a very bold move.
“It’s not acceptable, however familiar you are with that host - wait to be offered or at least ask.”
Read cards
Similarly to this, reading people’s cards is also off limits.
William warned: “Don’t read people’s cards.
“If you want to, you could ask if you can read them, but I wouldn’t do it without asking.
“It’s fair game to read the front of a card, because they’re on display.
“But picking them up and reading the message inside - no.”
Ask for a tour
Whilst you might be desperate to see your bestie’s new bedroom, William urged you to never ask for a tour of someone’s home.
He added: “Don’t ask for a tour.
“It’s not a National Trust home and they’ve probably only got the kitchen, loo and sitting room guest-ready.
“I think it’s weird when people offer but if you’re offered a tour, fine. But don’t ask.”
Suggest other plans
Finally, if you have been invited to someone’s house, William noted that you shouldn’t then suggest going somewhere else.
He concluded: “It can be quite rude to suggest an alternative plan whilst at someone’s house.
“If they’re the host, they’re in charge.
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“If they’re looking for suggestions, fine. But the host is in charge of the entire day, so don’t suggest other venues.”
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