My dad died when I was 20 – Father’s Day Instagram posts can leave you feeling sad and jealous as grief isn’t linear

I'M sending love on Father’s Day.

To those who are fathers, those with multiple fathers, fathers with strained child relationships, those with complicated father relationships, those who are single fathers, fathers who have lost children, those yearning to become fathers, and those who have chosen not to be fathers.

But right now, I’m speaking to those who have lost their father, like me.

The third Sunday of June is a day of celebration, a day to celebrate those with us and those who are not. 

As this day approaches, some of us may experience a range of feelings – from sadness to anger and guilt.

Grief is complicated and confusing. 

As the holiday comes around each June, you may not feel the same way every year. 

You may not feel many emotions today, but two years ago or ten years from now, you may feel strongly around this time of year.

Never feel ashamed of your emotions. Grief isn’t linear. Everything you feel is normal. Some days might feel worse than others.

On a day like today, many are heading to social media to show how they’re celebrating or simply just putting up an appreciation post for their father. 

Seeing these posts could bring up a whole range of emotions: jealousy, anger, envy, as well as sadness.

Don’t push these emotions aside because of the guilt that you may feel. 

What’s important is that any emotions associated with your grief are all normal. All of these emotions may come and go.

Instead of pushing them away, allow yourself to embrace them.

I was 20 years old when my life changed in the blink of an eye. On December 29, 2018, I watched my worst nightmare happen in front of my eyes. 

I was forced to say goodbye to my dad, my role model, my favorite man in my life, and one of my best friends. 

I still wake up at 3.30am glaring at the clock, reminded of how I woke up at that very time on December 29, 2018.

On days like today, I can only hope that my father is smiling down on my brothers, my mom, and me. I can only hope that your dad is smiling down on you and that they’re proud of everything that you and I have accomplished in this crazy thing that we call life.

May you always remember that we didn’t choose this life, this life chose us.

May we honor them, may we never forget them, may we love and cherish them.

May we remember him today, tomorrow, and forever.