From a sexy quickie to creating a ‘rudebox’, here’s how Robbie Williams – and YOU – can get over a sex drought
DO Robbie Williams and his wife Ayda Field need to relight their fire?
The Take That star yesterday told The Sun that since coming off testosterone to treat depression, his libido had shrunk.
Robbie, 49, said that while 43-year-old Ayda will sometimes suggest sex, he’ll be “sitting there eating a tangerine and just sort of shrug”.
The couple said they used to be “insatiable”, but now prefer Netflix and a cuddle.
Robbie even added that “everyone knows there’s no sex after marriage”.
Well, I beg to differ. In a long-term relationship, and especially with children in the mix – the couple are parents to Teddy, ten, Charlton, eight, Coco, four, and Beau, three – keeping the spark alive requires time and effort.
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But with a little imagination it can still be magic. Robbie and Ayda are clearly deeply in love and there’s no reason to say goodbye to their sex life. With my tips – helpfully themed around Robbie’s greatest hits – they’ll get it back for good.
IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE
(Have a quickie)
WHEN you’re a busy parent you haven’t got the time – or the energy – for seemingly unending sexathons.
The good news is that nookie doesn’t have to last for hours to be enjoyable, and shorter sex sessions can be just as pleasurable.
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A quickie releases tons of feel-good hormones as well as adrenalin, all of which leads to a more thrilling experience, upping your chances of orgasm.
EVERYTHING CHANGES
(Mix up where you have sex)
BONKING isn’t just for the bedroom.
Research shows couples who mix up where they make love have a more vibrant sex life than those who don’t.
So explore the rooms all over your house – even if it’s not an LA mansion like Robbie’s.
Up the ante by leaving the window ajar and open the curtains to give an extra element of danger.
Then jump on the sofa and get down to it, and leave the TV on for that thrill of feeling like you’re being watched – the two of you can be your own Match Of The Day . . . hopefully with plenty of scoring.
RELIGHT MY FIRE
(Don’t forget to flirt)
MARRIED couples who flirt with each other have a better sex life than those who don’t, research shows.
Create a “private world” with your spouse and have code words for nookie which the kids won’t understand but you two do.
And don’t forget to be playful with your partner and surprise them with kisses, touches and cheeky messages throughout the day.
PATIENCE
(Put sex in the diary)
IT may sound like the least sexy thing you can do, but having a set time for nookie each day or week really works, and it helps to keep the sparkle in your relationship.
Schedule intimacy time before the kids wake up or after they go to bed. If you’re worried about waking them up, take the passion to the shower.
Set a “sex alarm” on your phone and don’t cancel on each other. The more you do it, the more you want it, studies show.
HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE
(Romance your partner)
A SHOT of old-fashioned romance will give you a boost in bed.
A quarter of women say they feel more in the mood for sex and have a better mental connection with their partner when their other half puts in the effort to make them feel special.
So grab a box of choccies on your way home from work. Not only will your lover appreciate the gesture, but chocolate contains two chemicals which put you in the mood for love.
One, phenylethylamine, a stimulant related to amphetamine, is released in the brain when people fall in love. The other, tryptophan, is a building block of serotonin, a brain chemical involved in sexual arousal.
LET ME ENTERTAIN YOU
(Leave sexy voice notes)
TURNING your partner on with dirty talk can be really erotic and a lot of fun.
But if you’re too shy to do it face to face – or don’t have time to send long messages – just drop them a quick sexy voice note to get them in the mood.
Stuck for words? Use multi-sensory descriptive words to tap into their senses.
Build up to it slowly and start with sexy messages, saying stuff like, ‘I love it when you do X,Y,Z’. Research shows complimenting your partner will boost their self-esteem in and out of the bedroom, leading to better sex and a stronger relationship.
NEVER FORGET
(Recall previous hot sessions together)
A LOT of couples are afraid to open up with one another about their inner fantasies and desires, especially after they become parents.
It can be hard to separate ourselves from being Mum and Dad and seeing ourselves as sexual beings in our own right.
An easy way to start is to take a trip down memory lane, to how you were when you were really hot for each other.
Robbie recalls how he and Ayda once had sex all the time, unable to keep their hands off each other.
Reminiscing about those times can be a good way to get you in the mood, before progressing to what your sexual fantasies are today.
If you’re too nervous to talk about your fantasies face-to-face, send your partner a sex bucket list and get them to use the traffic light code to convey what they want to do.
Use green for yes, amber for maybe and red for no.
SHE’S THE ONE
(Watch porn with your partner)
PORN can be a great tool in the bedroom, but mainstream porn will often focus on male pleasure and can be a turn-off for some women.
Put your female partner first with a sexy video from the likes of ethical film-maker Erika Lust, which shows realistic sex and equal amounts of nudity.
I guarantee blokes will love it too – especially if you watch it together. Porn can be a great tool for couples to try out new things in bed, to get tips and to get excited.
It certainly beats Netflix.
COULD IT BE MAGIC
(Try Viagra)
IF you’re struggling to get that rocket into orbit you may just need a bit of help.
Sales of Viagra have boomed in recent years, and not just among the older generation – it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
You can pick it up over the counter for as little as 85p per tablet.
Or if you prefer to go au naturel, try some herbal remedies, such as horny goat weed.
RUDEBOX
(Get some sex toys)
THERE’S no shame in using a little help to spice up your sex life – so why not start a treasure chest of sex aids that will give your desire a boost?
More than 75 per cent of women do not orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and sex toys shouldn’t just be for solo use. Buy a couple of new ones on a virtual shopping trip together – they can be a great way to experiment with different kinds of stimulation.
While you’re at it, pick up a blindfold. Taking away your partner’s vision while you pleasure them will send their other senses wild.
FEEL
(Focus on foreplay)
YOU don’t have to be naked to enjoy foreplay, and good foreplay is more than just a precursor to sex.
A sexy stroke while cooking dinner or a quick shoulder rub in the bath can help to build tension and excitement between you.
Remember, good sex doesn’t have to end in orgasm.
Sometimes the journey can be just as pleasurable as reaching the destination.
THE GREATEST DAY
(Plan a dirty weekend away)
HOME is where the heart is – but also where the chores are, the kids’ chaos is and where there’s always the easy option to flop on the sofa.
Sometimes you need to get away from it all, so take advantage of doting grandparents or close friends and make sure you have special “you” time together.
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It can be hard leaving the kids but it’s only for a short break and it’s important to have date nights.
Book a sexcation, turn off your phone and turn on your partner instead.