I’m a relationship expert – six easy ways to feel more intimate with your other half and spice up Blue Monday
IT’S billed as the most depressing day of the year, but here’s how you can turn today’s Blue Monday into Oooh Monday.
Showing you care for your partner is good for your relationship and for a fulfilling, adventurous sex life.
But it also floods your body with love hormone oxytocin, a chemical that makes you feel happy.
Studies have shown that it can lower stress, anxiety and depression, as well as build social bonds and trust.
Oxytocin has the added bonus of making orgasms more intense – a real win-win.
But you don’t need to be having wild, swinging-from-the-chandeliers romps to get a dose of the good stuff.
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Here are some simple ways to increase your intimacy as a couple, get that love hormone flowing and see where the mood takes you.
LOOK AT EACH OTHER: When was the last time you really looked into your partner’s eyes when you spoke to them?
To strengthen your bond, put down your phone, make time for each other and genuinely listen when they speak to you.
You’ll be amazed at how much more you like them when you actually engage with each other.
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A CUPPA COUNTS AS FOREPLAY: A cup of tea in bed, an extra lie-in, cooking their favourite meal . . . it’s the tiny acts of consideration that make us feel valued.
So put your partner in the mood for love by showing you appreciate them with small, everyday gestures of thoughtfulness.
MAKE TIME TO CHILL: One of the main reasons people say they are not having more sex is exhaustion.
It’s very hard to muster the energy for exciting sex when you’ve hardly got the drive to brush your own teeth.
So talk to your partner and work out how you can both enjoy a little down time to recuperate.
COMMUNICATE: Unresolved relationship tensions can lead to dull sex lives.
Neither party wants to create a scene, so they simply get the act done.
Take a deep breath and talk about the changes you would like to see, and ask your partner to do the same.
Clear the air and you can guarantee you’ll feel more connected the next time you have sex.
MAKE SMALL CHANGES: Rather than always having sex in the missionary position with the lights off, commit to trying something new.
It doesn’t have to be a seismic change which can feel overwhelming.
Something as simple as trying lube, a different position, changing your location to the shower, or having sex in the morning can really freshen things up.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE: Many of those who are sexually dissatisfied also carry a negative body image.
Of course, everyone ages and in long-term relationships we see our partners go grey and saggy.
At the same time, we become hypercritical of our own looks.
Self-acceptance is key here, so learn to appreciate life’s achievements, values and memories.
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Being comfortable within ourselves is essential to enjoying a fulfilling sex life at any age.
- If you would like to write to my team of counsellors, email [email protected].