LIFE AFTER LOSS
As Kelsey Parker is linked to a new man, she reveals Kate Ferdinand ‘told me to get a new bed – I have to move on’
KELSEY Parker has opened up about “making the most of life” as it was revealed she has started dating again .
The mum-of-two has grown close to Sean Boggans, eight months after the death of her beloved husband, Tom Parker in March after a 20-month battle with brain cancer.
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The Sun revealed earlier this week that Kelsey met 39-year-old electrician Sean through mutual friends at a wedding in Greece in September and they attended a wedding together in Greenwich, South London last month.
However it’s clear that despite dating again, Tom is still never far from her mind.
Surprisingly rather than being bitter about her situation Kelsey manages to find the positive in even the darkest of situations describing herself as “lucky”.
She tries to live by the adage: “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
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Kelsey and Tom fell for each other as teenagers, long before he and his band mates – Max George, 34, Jay McGuinness, 32, Siva Kaneswaran, 34, and 29-year-old Nathan Sykes – hit the big time with a string of hits, including Glad You Came and Gold Forever.
She says: “How lucky am I? People go through their whole life and don’t find love, and I’ve had that. I fell in love really hard. We were soulmates. I might have gone my whole life and never met the love of my life, but I did.
“What we did over the 13 years that we got to spend together, people don’t get to do that in their lifetime. We went to Buckingham Palace. We have the most outrageous stories that we shared together. And that’s why I can’t be sad, because I got to do that with him and share that with him.”
Kelsey and Tom opened up their lives for the documentary Inside My Head, after his unexplained seizures resulted in a diagnosis in October 2020 of grade-four glioblastoma.
The film was nominated for a National Television Award earlier this year and now Kelsey is returning to ITVBe with a six-part series, Life After Tom, which she views not only as a tool to keep Tom’s memory alive – he features heavily throughout in unseen videos and pictures of the pair – but also to get the nation talking about death and grief.
“People will see how we lived life together, because a lot of people really don’t know about me and Tom away from the public eye.
“I met him when I was 19. We were just a normal couple that were genuinely head-over-heels in love with each other,” says Kelsey.
“But also they watched our journey through the cancer. Going through that was the hardest time of our lives, so why not open up and show people how I’m dealing with grief?
“In the UK, we don’t talk about grief. We don’t talk about death. It’s a taboo subject. Even when I see people, they don’t really want to talk to me about it.
“Honestly, people cross the road so they don’t have to talk to me. It’s crazy. People don’t know what to say.
“It’s so shocking because Tom was so young. I think they try to put themselves in my position and think: ‘I don’t know how she’s actually coping.’
“I just want to talk to people and be normal and continue my life, but that’s harder for me when people don’t want to talk to me.
“So with the show, I wanted to open up and show people that you can grieve the way I’m grieving.”
Grieving in the public eye is a challenge, as there can be pressure to do it “the right way”. Does she worry about being judged for how she’s dealing with Tom’s death?
“You don’t want to be Debbie Downer. Obviously there are days that are really hard, but then there are days that are really good.
“You can face every emotion in a day. I wake up happy, then angry, then sad, then I can be happy again. It is a rollercoaster.
“Part of me feels angry, part of me feels like: ‘If it’s your time, it’s your time. What can you do?’ I can’t necessarily be angry, because I do think we’ve all got a journey.
“Tom did everything fast in life. Everything he did was to the extreme, so maybe he was just meant to be here for 33 years and live really fast and hard.”
Kelsey is aware that being angry could eat her up – and the pressure is always on her to stay positive for their two children, Aurelia, three, and Bodhi, two, who she credits for keeping her going during the darkest days.
“The kids were a godsend, because they got me out of bed. They get me motivated.
“My whole goal is to make sure they have a lovely life and achieve things that Tom would have wanted them to achieve, so they’re really busy with activities.
“I’m the mum who’s going to dance class, then swimming lessons, because I want them to achieve everything that Tom and I wanted them to do together.
“I want my kids to wake up happy in the morning, so I’ve got to remain happy as well. I can’t go through the rest of my life being sad and miserable.
“Obviously this is a really hard time, and it’s only been eight months, but I’ve got to get through it. I haven’t really got any other choice but to get through it for my kids.”
Kelsey pauses and points at a table in the studio.
“How funny is it that the table has butterflies on it? That’s a sign. There are always signs from him. I talk to him. I ask him questions and stuff. He will always be with me, I know he will.”
One of the hardest markers after losing someone is going through all the “firsts” without them.
Kelsey has already commemorated Tom’s birthday, and now she’s preparing to have her first Christmas without him.
“I take every day as it comes, because I just can’t bear the thought of Christmas.
“Last year, Aurelia was so invested in Christmas, she really got it. I think that’s what’s so hard for me, because Tom loved it last year. She was saying: ‘Father Christmas has been, look at my presents!’
“Tom just couldn’t believe it, so it’s just so sad that he’s missing his kids grow up. I can’t even describe that pain. Something like Aurelia going to perform in a show – he would have absolutely loved it.
“That’s what I miss. Even with this interview and photo shoot, I would have said: ‘Tom, do you think I was good?’ I’ve got none of that now. I’ve got no one to go to. He was my biggest supporter.”
There are plans to try to release some of Tom’s unheard music, as well as other fund-raising projects and campaigns. It’s clear Kelsey wants to live her life to the max in tribute to her husband.
In the documentary, she organises a fun run to raise money for a brain tumour charity to commemorate Tom’s birthday, then jets off to trek the Sahara desert to raise money for breast cancer charity CoppaFeel!
Kelsey has built up a support network, though, and it’s one that she’ll call on as the big day approaches.
“My family are a big support. I think they are going to sleep over on Christmas Eve. They’ll wake up with me instead of me having the loneliness of being on my own with two children.
“I’m now a solo parent and that factors into everything – taking them to swimming lessons where I haven’t got Daddy to sit and watch one child while the other is in the pool or whatever. I have to rely on everyone else now.”
It’s hard to believe that someone can go from expecting a baby to telling that baby that their dad is dying and the angels are coming to collect him less than two years later. But Kelsey has never shied away from being honest with the kids.
“The way I was brought up was that my mum was very honest about everything. I’ve just got to be as honest as possible with them. People are scared to talk about death with children.
“When Tom was in the hospice, I wasn’t around to put them to bed. Aurelia got really confused, so I said to her: ‘Daddy is going to die and I’m going to go today and make sure the angels are going to take him.’ I’d had a call to say his breathing had changed at this point, so I knew that this was it. After I was honest with her, she respected it and got on board.
“She’s so wise beyond her years. Now she knows about death. When people are talking about it around her, she understands what it is.”
It’s an odd thing that Kelsey has been thrust into the public eye because of losing her husband. How does she feel to have become famous in this way?
She sighs: “It’s bittersweet. It feels almost like he’s passed on the baton to me. I want the platform because I want to change brain tumours in this country. My mission is to help people. I just can’t believe where the NHS is for funding [for brain tumour research]. It’s the biggest [cancer] killer in under-40s.
So by me doing this, it’s raising awareness – that’s all I want to do.
“I think if people had been through what I’ve been through over the past two years, I don’t know if they’d be smiling, because it’s been so tough. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
“I still look back at the past 18 months and think: ‘How did I get through that?’ I was pregnant when he was ill, I gave birth, then I was bringing up two children while taking Tom to chemo and holding a bucket for him to be sick into. It was a living nightmare, but I got through it because it was the only way.”
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Kelsey has a strong friendship group, including Kate and Rio Ferdinand, who have helped her cope in the aftermath of Tom’s death. The couple appear in episode two of the documentary. Rio’s first wife Rebecca died of breast cancer aged 34 in 2015, leaving him to raise three children by himself. Kate, who Rio later married, has previously opened up on the challenges of being a stepmum and keeping Rebecca’s memory alive.
Kelsey reveals: “Kate was a really great person to speak to. I was talking to her about how I want to get rid of our bed, but I said to her: ‘How are people going to look at me for that?’ If I do want to move forward, I’ve got to take these steps.
“Kate said: ‘You’ve just got to not worry what anyone else thinks. You are the only person that gets into that bed, so you need to do what’s right for you.’
Dealing with Tom’s belongings is difficult for Kelsey. His at-home studio remains untouched and she’s reluctant to get rid of anything, but admits the house is like a shrine to him.
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“The studio is a mess, but it would be so hard to clear it. Even the desk I bought him in our first flat. The colour is all gone, but he never wanted to get rid of it because I bought it for him.
It’s all these things that contain memories, but one day I’ve got to move forward, haven’t I? I try to remember the memories are up here [points to her head].”
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For the last 18 months, I didn't have the Tom Parker that I married. I don't really like saying that, but I lost a part of him
“The way I was brought up was that my mum was very honest about everything. I’ve just got to be as honest as possible with them. People are scared to talk about death with children.
“When Tom was in the hospice, I wasn’t around to put them to bed. Aurelia got really confused, so I said to her: ‘Daddy is going to die and I’m going to go today and make sure the angels are going to take him.’
“I’d had a call to say his breathing had changed at this point, so I knew that this was it. After I was honest with her, she respected it and got on board.
“She’s so wise beyond her years. Now she knows about death. When people are talking about it around her, she understands what it is.”
It’s an odd thing that Kelsey has been thrust into the public eye because of losing her husband. How does she feel to have become famous in this way?
She sighs: “It’s bittersweet. It feels almost like he’s passed on the baton to me. I want the platform because I want to change brain tumours in this country.
“My mission is to help people. I just can’t believe where the NHS is for funding [for brain tumour research]. It’s the biggest [cancer] killer in under-40s.
“So by me doing this, it’s raising awareness – that’s all I want to do.
“I think if people had been through what I’ve been through over the past two years, I don’t know if they’d be smiling, because it’s been so tough. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
“I still look back at the past 18 months and think: ‘How did I get through that?’
“I was pregnant when he was ill, I gave birth, then I was bringing up two children while taking Tom to chemo and holding a bucket for him to be sick into. It was a living nightmare, but I got through it because it was the only way.”
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Kelsey has a strong friendship group, including Kate and Rio Ferdinand, who have helped her cope in the aftermath of Tom’s death.
The couple appear in episode two of the documentary. Rio’s first wife Rebecca died of breast cancer aged 34 in 2015, leaving him to raise three children by himself.
Kate, who Rio later married, has previously opened up on the challenges of being a stepmum and keeping Rebecca’s memory alive.
Kelsey reveals: “Kate was a really great person to speak to. I was talking to her about how I want to get rid of our bed, but I said to her: ‘How are people going to look at me for that?’ If I do want to move forward, I’ve got to take these steps.
“Kate said: ‘You’ve just got to not worry what anyone else thinks. You are the only person that gets into that bed, so you need to do what’s right for you.’
Dealing with Tom’s belongings is difficult for Kelsey. His at-home studio remains untouched and she’s reluctant to get rid of anything, but admits the house is like a shrine to him.
“The studio is a mess, but it would be so hard to clear it. Even the desk I bought him in our first flat. The colour is all gone, but he never wanted to get rid of it because I bought it for him.
It’s all these things that contain memories, but one day I’ve got to move forward, haven’t I? I try to remember the memories are up here [points to her head].”
There are plans to try to release some of Tom’s unheard music, as well as other fund-raising projects and campaigns. It’s clear Kelsey wants to live her life to the max in tribute to her husband.
In the documentary, she organises a fun run to raise money for a brain tumour charity to commemorate Tom’s birthday, then jets off to trek the Sahara desert to raise money for breast cancer charity CoppaFeel!
She nods: “It is just about living. If we can take anything from Tom, it’s that life is so precious and short. I’ve got to live my life. That is the only option.
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“I can’t be at home sad. We’re only given one life and I’m going to die some day, so I need to make the most of it.”
- Watch Kelsey Parker: Life After Tom, Thursday, 9pm, ITVBe.
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