Four red flag phrases parents say which are a warning sign to teachers – are you guilty?
PARENTS evening is a useful time to catch up with your child’s teacher and understand how your child is progressing at school.
It’s also an opportunity for teachers to discuss any concerns they have with a child, and help make recommendations for improvement.
Danielle Lyon, 38, spent nine years as an English teacher, teaching all ages from primary school age to adult, and now works for online tutoring company, .
She shared some of the common phrases many parents say that she would listen out for, to check if there were any red flags that needed addressing...
'My child lacks confidence'
If a parent feels their child is shy and unconfident, this could be due to a few reasons, and it's important to get to the bottom of what could be causing this.
Danielle says: "This lack of confidence could actually be because the student doesn’t understand the subject matter in class, so they are too shy to engage.
"There also might have been a past incident at school that knocked their confidence.
"It could even be a sign of bullying as they don’t feel support from their peers."
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What can you do?
- Talk to your child and find out what they enjoy most in school and how they best like to learn and discuss this with their teacher.
- Check in with the teacher to see how your child gets on with their peers.
- Do confidence building activities with your child - sports like karate or taking them to outdoor adventure parks.
- Encourage whatever they feel they are really good at - painting, writing, sports. Activities where they can interact with other children are especially useful.
- If they have an issue only with one particular subject, then think about investing in some one on one or group tutoring. Seneca also has some great free online materials.
- It can sometimes be useful for shy children to be given a role. Perhaps could they give announcements in class or help a classmate who struggles.
'My child’s really advanced'
On paper, this is a good thing - if accurate.
Danielle says: "Parents might say this if their child tells them they are “bored” at school.
"Perhaps they find the work quicker and easier than some other students.
"Sometimes it is the case that the student is more advanced, but other times students can use this as an excuse for being lazy.
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"In some cases the complete opposite can be true, and the child is really struggling with the work.
"It’s important as a parent to work with your child’s teacher to find the real cause."
What can you do?
- Make sure you’re aligned with the teacher on the exact level your child is at so you can take the best action.
- If your child really is bored because the work is too easy, then the teacher can differentiate the work in class to make it a more appropriate level for your child.
- Talk to the teacher about how to best support them at home - setting extra homework isn’t always the answer and can sometimes have the opposite effect.
- Supporting their abilities and strengths in other ways (such as a science club, chess, or art classes) can also be a great way to push them. If your child is already ahead of the pack and loves learning you should foster this love as much as you can!
'My child prefers to play alone'
Parents often feel this is a cause for concern, but actually it's usually nothing to worry about.
Danielle says: "When parents mention this to the teacher, often it means the parent is worried their child isn’t connecting or socialising properly with the other children.
"In reality there’s nothing wrong with being more naturally introverted and these children often tend to develop a high level of creativity and imagination.
"However, at school, and later on in life, they will have to get
used to working in groups."
What can you do?
- Try and find some after school activities that interest them and will encourage socialisation such as sports clubs or Scouts.
- Children often learn social skills by watching others so model the behaviour you want to encourage.
- Set up playdates with other children so that your child can socialise with them outside of school.
‘My child doesn’t talk about school’
Danielle says: "If your child doesn’t talk to you about school then there is the worry that it means they aren’t enjoying it and that they aren’t connecting well with the subject matter.
"However, if they are very young it might just be because recall is very different in early childhood.
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"They might just struggle to remember all they have done that day.
"If they are older it might just be that they don’t enjoy being questioned on the spot."
What can you do?
- The way you ask the question can encourage them to speak more - try asking open ended questions instead of ones that can be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. For example, “what was the most interesting thing you did today?” instead of “how was school?”
- The best time of day maybe isn’t when they first get in the door. Teenagers especially can need some decompression time. Set up times of day for connection with your child - whether that’s at the dinner table or any other place that encourages interaction.
- Let them talk about what they are interested in, if you listen and they feel comfortable then they might start opening up more about their day.