I was a bully for 20 years and called my friends fat… I can identify with Ferne McCann and Sam Faiers row

NOTICING a former school friend on the dancefloor in a local club, Cally Stewart quickly snapped a candid picture on her mobile phone.

Opening WhatsApp, she then sent it to a friend with a typically bitchy message attached.

“Haha, what does she look like?” she wrote. “Such a mess.”

It was just one of many cruel messages that Cally sent throughout her 20 years as a self-confessed “mean girl”, passing judgment on people’s appearances, clothes, voices and lives.

The 35-year-old, of Hinckley, Leics, says: “I would send bitchy messages to one mate about another friend saying, ‘She’s too fat for that outfit — who does she think she is?’ with a load of laughing emojis.

“And I’d say things about another Facebook friend, like, ‘She must be dreading Father’s Day the amount of kids she has with different dads’.”

She also screen-grabbed a picture of a mate’s engagement ring, which had been proudly posted on Facebook, and sent it to a group chat with the brutal caption: “It looks like it came out of a Kinder egg!”

Business psychologist Cally, who is married to postman Nigel, 51, spoke as Towie stars Ferne McCann and Sam Faiers were at loggerheads over voice notes allegedly made by Ferne were leaked.

‘Terrible cycle’ 

Ferne is reportedly claimed to have said to a third party: “Sam Faiers is a fat c***. Her thighs are so big and I looked really skinny today.”

Ferne — who has not admitted the voice on the recordings is hers — came under fire from fans over the shocking comments, but has not been accused of bullying.

Cally, who is mum to Miley, 12, and Hasken-Valor, nine, is now reformed and deeply remorseful about her behaviour.

It all started in secondary school, where she was bullied.

Cally says: “I was called Smelly Kelly and laughed at for not having expensive clothes, the right shoes or a nice blazer.

I was never a girls’ girl but I wanted to be. Seeing them having fun filled me with fury

“But rather than thinking, ‘I hate how it feels being bullied’, I reacted and bullied other kids. It was a terrible cycle.

“I would call other pupils bitches and act out.

“When teachers told me off for not concentrating, I would respond to their complaints with comments like, ‘Life’s a bitch and so are you, you fat ugly dog’.

“Of course, it didn’t go without punishment.

“I was constantly being handed detentions but I never went to them, so eventually that led to suspension.

“I was never really bothered about being suspended, it was like being on holiday.

“But two or three suspensions equalled expulsion, and over the years I attended three different high schools.

“It was awful and looking back I’m so embarrassed. I would hate it if my children behaved like that. But I know they wouldn’t because I’ve taught them better and have encouraged them to be mentally healthy and to have strong self-esteem.”

Leaving school at 15 with no qualifications, Cally started work in a coffee shop and continued her bullying behaviour on nights out.

A year later she landed a job in sales and began focusing on her work.

Cally says: “I became very career-oriented but I wasn’t progressing as quickly as I wanted to and it infuriated me. 

“So, when I saw other women doing well, I turned on them. I would spread lies about why they had succeeded.

“For example, I might say, ‘I think we know why she made the sale’ alluding deliberately wrongly to the fact someone was sleeping her way to the top.”

At 19, after suffering a random blood clot on her lung, Cally nearly died.

She says: “I posted about it on Facebook.

“And underneath it, a woman I had been at school with wrote, ‘It couldn’t have happened to a nicer person . . .  she ruined my life’.

“But it still wasn’t a wake-up call at all. All I thought was, ‘Get over it, it was ages ago,’ although I didn’t say anything to her.

“And so at work, clubs and parties I continued to act cruelly, laughing at what people wore and looked like.

“It gave me a mini power boost every time I put someone down.

“I loved the feeling I got when people suffered. It was like a high.”

As she progressed up the career ladder, Cally’s bitchiness at work escalated too.

She says: “I called one former boss awful names behind her back. She was just doing her job but I described her as ‘f****** incompetent’ in messages to colleagues.

“I said colleagues ‘bored me’ and mocked them privately for working so hard. It was easy to get away with as it was all done behind people’s backs.

“Although I wasn’t cruel to Nigel after we got together or to the children, he has since said I was high maintenance. He would say I had a ‘screw loose’ but he still loved me.”

Then, when she was 30, Cally realised she wanted to change.

I had no self-esteem and I had always felt invalidated. But I wanted to change

She says: “I was a mum, successful in my career and loved. But I still felt totally worthless. I was in a very dark place mentally.

“I realised I couldn’t carry on. Depression had engulfed me and so I entered therapy. It’s no lie to say it saved my life.

“A breakdown became a breakthrough and I not only realised I was a bully and a bitch, but why I was: I was jealous. I was never a girls’ girl but I wanted to be. 

“I would see girls out and about and be filled with an enormous amount of envy. I wanted to be like them. 

“I wanted to have friends around me.

“Seeing them dancing on the tables, having a whale of a time, filled me with fury. I wanted that, so I reacted horribly.

“I had no self-esteem and I had always felt invalidated. 

“But, crucially, I wanted to change. I did some extensive self-reflection. Now all I can say to the people I bullied is that I am so, so sorry.” In 2017, filled with regret, Cally put out a public apology on Facebook. 

 She wrote: “I used to be an absolute bitch. All the way back from school right up until I turned 30.

“On nights out, I’d sit and laugh at other girls for how they looked, what they wore, how they wore it.

“In the office, I’d giggle and belittle the others running around and working hard like good little worker bees.

“On Facebook, I’d screenshot posts and share them, slagging someone off for doing things that I thought was stupid or ridiculous or that I didn’t agree with. I used to be a bitch. It was developed as a protection mechanism for how totally worthless I felt.”

Unfortunately, not everyone reacted well to her public confession. Some of her previous victims responded with disbelief rather than forgiveness.

But Cally says: “For me, it was cathartic. And now, five years on, I can honestly say I would never fall back into my cruel ways.

“I am a better wife, mother and friend. I am ashamed of my past but I cannot change it.

“I know some people don’t believe that and think a leopard can’t change its spots.

“But this leopard has — and I am so proud to say I’m now a former bully.”

• Cally runs Curiously Her, a personal development and transformation company for “spiritually curious” women. Follow on Instagram