I’m a sexual health nurse – moaning has nothing to do with a good orgasm, women just do it to make partners feel better
YOU do not need to annoy the neighbours with moans of pleasure to show your partner you are having a good time in bed.
There are other — more genuine — indications that you are about to climax. So what really happens during the Big O?
Here, Sarah Mulindwa, sexual health nurse and host of Channel 4’s The Sex Clinic, explains . . .
HISTORICALLY, in movies, porn and basically anything that depicts sex, the female orgasm is often presented with the woman screaming in joy (think Meg Ryan faking an orgasm in that diner scene in When Harry Met Sally).
While it is absolutely possible to react in this way, it isn’t realistic.
Screaming often translates as good sex, and women often do this as a way of reassuring their partner that they are doing a great job.
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But whether it’s subtle moans during foreplay or a shuddering scream at the point of orgasm, it usually has nothing to do with how much fun the woman is having.
I wasn’t surprised to read that scientists at the University of Ottawa in Canada have found that moaning isn’t a good measure of the female orgasm.
Brain is powerful force
Their findings, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, suggest that female orgasms should be defined as “pleasurable satisfaction” with faster breathing, an increased heart rate, shivers and goosebumps being some of the key factors — while moaning should be removed as a measure altogether.
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I agree. In my clinical experience, I find that women are noisy during pleasure because they feel it will heighten the sexual arousal of their partner.
Take Ekin-Su, who was moaning when receiving a massage from Davide in the Love Island villa — so much so that some viewers said they had to turn their TV down.
We all love a massage to relax those tense muscles, but how many of us have had an orgasm as a result? The answer is close to zero.
It has become ingrained in us to make some sort of affirming noise in these romantic scenarios — but as much as Ekin-Su appeared to be enjoying it, it’s doubtful that it induced any genuine pleasure.
In order for women to better understand how to achieve orgasms, improve sexual experiences and feel empowered to ask for what they want, it’s important to have a good basic understanding of what occurs during and in the prelude to climax — the chemical physiological changes.
One definition of orgasm is “a pleasurable release of sexual tension.” It can be defined as the fourth stage of a sexual encounter, after anticipation, excitement and plateau.
More than 90 per cent of men experience orgasms through intercourse — considerably more frequently than women who achieve it around half of the time. Yet we seldom see men on screen screaming in pleasure.
Women can experience pleasure in different ways which contributes to why we often find it mysterious.
Your body when you hit Big O
SO what happens to your body when you orgasm? Scientists from the University of Ottawa in Canada asked 637 women about their experiences with orgasms and these were some of the most common sensations they reported:
Goosebumps, shivers, sweating, facial tingling, reddening of the skin, faster breathing, increased heart rate, muscle tension, hardening nipples, clitoral pulsation, hot flashes.
We might think of sex and orgasm as a physical act to the genitals, but it is just as much psychological (if not more when it comes to women).
It affects our entire body. Orgasm triggers activity in brain areas involved with touch, memory, emotions, and judgement.
The human brain is such a powerful force in orgasm that some women are able to achieve it simply by thinking, with no bodily stimulation at all.
As sexual tension builds, the bloodflow to the outer third of the vagina increases, creating what we refer to as the orgasmic platform.
At the point of orgasm, a series of rhythmic contractions occur in the uterus, vagina and pelvic floor muscles.
The brain releases happy hormone dopamine and oxytocin, the love hormone.
The combination is responsible for pleasure, desire and motivation.
Achieving orgasm can be one of the most satisfying and gratifying experiences for the human body.
As pleasure builds towards orgasm, you will notice that your breath and heart rate increase, while tension builds in the genital region and often the inner thighs.
Since all bodies are different, everyone will react in different ways — more often than not by exhaling and heavy breathing.
You don’t have to scream the house down and wake the neighbours to prove you are enjoying yourself.
Pleasurable foreplay
Saying things like “Oh, yes!” rather than “Could you please do this instead?” can prevent you from experiencing pleasure in bed and cause communication problems in your relationship.
Not only will you find it harder to experience genuine pleasure and an orgasm, you can feel disconnected from your partner.
There are great benefits to being silent during pleasurable foreplay.
By putting pressure on yourself to put on a performance, you are sharing your focus which will only detract from the pleasure you could be enjoying from the sensations. To achieve the best orgasms, foreplay is crucial.
It’s the most important part of sex to a woman’s body.
We often have a tendency to place too much emphasis on penetrative sex — a lot of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm and find it difficult to achieve through vaginal intercourse alone.
This lack of understanding is partly responsible for the orgasm gap between men and women.
Being aware of the erogenous zones including the ears, nipples, fingertips and inner thighs is also essential when considering a female’s pleasure.
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Spending time on these areas will achieve better, deeper and more intense orgasms when penetration does eventually happen.
Finally, men, don’t worry if we don’t scream — turns out we now have scientific proof that orgasms are nothing to shout about.
