Our sex is noisier than the Jubilee flypast and we spent the holiday bonking for Queen and country
IS noisy nookie keeping you up at night – for all the wrong reasons?
Romping couples sparked dozens of complaints from their narked neighbours last year, prompting some to install recording equipment in nearby homes to catch them in the act.
One couple in Warwick could be heard, and seen, bonking in their kitchen – with the windows open and the lights on.
Sound expert Simon Rehill, from Pulsar Instruments, told The Sun: “In the heat of the moment, people can forget how loud they are being.
“And the level of noise can wreak havoc for those nearby who don’t have sufficient sound protection.”
Simon helped us measure some of Britain’s loudest couples by installing decibel noise recorders in their bedrooms.
He revealed: “I’ve been shocked at some of the results.”
Here, the loud lovers tell Georgette Culley and Alley Einstein about their passion for noisy sex, while Simon reveals the findings show their romps were as loud as a revving chainsaw or a jet taking off.
‘I pretended to neighbour the sound was me hurting myself’ - Lizzy, 28, and
James, 36
MUM Lizzy Byrne, a social media marketer, and James Barrett, a hotel duty manager, reckon a loud love life is a healthy one.
The couple live in Truro, Cornwall, with her children.
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Lizzy says: "THE first time we made love, James admitted he was pleasantly surprised at how vocal I was.
He said a previous girlfriend he’d had was always silent and he never knew if he was doing something wrong.
I loved the fact James was loud in the bedroom as well and encouraged it – hearing him turned me on, too.
It was 2017 and at the time we were living in a one-bedroom flat and the walls were very thin.
It wasn’t long before the neighbours were complaining about crashes and bangs and loud “unusual noises”.
When a neighbour turned up on our doorstep complaining, I pretended I’d hurt myself and my neighbour rolled his eyes and snapped: “It didn’t sound like you were in pain, more the opposite.”
Another time we went camping with friends and they had to move their tent as their “ears were hurting”.
James and I broke up after a year. At the time I was 23 and he was 31 and we had different priorities. But we still thought about one another.
It wasn’t long before the neighbours were complaining about crashes and bangs and loud 'unusual noises'.
Lizzy Byrne
Two months ago, I broke up with my partner and James and I reconnected.
Despite now having kids and responsibilities, the five-year break hasn’t dulled us in the bedroom.
I make sure the kids are at school or at their dad’s so we can make as much noise as we like.
We live in a three-bedroom detached house now, so it’s a little easier to get away with it.
For us, sex is all about touch, feeling and sound. I love to scream.
We’re proud to be one of Britain’s loudest couples and we spent the Platinum Jubilee bonking for Queen and country."
James says: “I was shocked at the peak level of 131.8 decibels. It didn’t hurt our ears, though, so perhaps we are a bit deaf.
“I do feel sorry for the neighbours. They’re a nice bunch, so maybe we’ll try to keep it down. That might turn us on instead.”
Simon says: “This impressive reading is the equivalent of the crowd cheering during the flyover at the Platinum Jubilee, a jack hammer or a rock concert.
“The readings we gathered were the peak for decibels – and all three couples wouldn’t be able to keep this noise going for eight hours, which is a relief for their neighbours. Even in short bursts, those living nearby should invest in good ear protectors.”
‘I really had no idea we were as loud as a jack hammer’ - Charley and Tony, both 30
SOCIAL media marketer Charley Parker lives in Norwich with Tony Cope, a marketing executive, and their two young children.
Their neighbours have even posted letters to get them to keep the noise down.
Charley says: "WE knew we were loud between the sheets but had no idea just how loud until we put the decibel meter in our room.
We have a healthy sex life and really enjoy ourselves but perhaps we do need to consider our neighbours now.
I had no idea we were as loud as a jack hammer! I must admit I hate that noise, so it must be annoying – basically like living near a building site, especially as we make love daily and it usually lasts between 15 and 30 minutes.
We live in a semi-detached two-bedroom house in a quiet cul-de-sac.
When we moved in two and a half years ago, it wasn’t long before neighbours started knocking on our door or leaving notes.
We had one angry message saying we’d woken them up and should get our walls reinforced.
We’d also hear neighbours passive-aggressively slamming their front doors to make a point.
At first, we felt embarrassed and thought: “Are we really that loud?”
We tried to keep the noise down but it made sex boring and weird.
After a few weeks we got fed up and returned to our old ways.
We’re not prepared to miss out on orgasms because some neighbours are sour pusses.
We’ve been together for four years and loud sex is an important part of our relationship.
We knew we were loud between the sheets but had no idea just how loud until we put the decibel meter in our room.
Charley Parker
I’m plus-size and people think bigger girls can’t have loud and active sex.
This test breaks those taboos and is a huge confidence boost.
When our first son came along, in April 2020, we were back making noisy love within nine days.
And we didn’t stop after the arrival of our second son, who was born 14 weeks ago. They’re both solid sleepers.
Putting the decibel meter in our room has been a real eye-opener.
Perhaps we’ll try and keep it down a 7 bit but I think it’ll be difficult
Tony says: “I hate quiet sex. Making love to someone who doesn’t moan and is silent is weird and like sleeping with a corpse.
“Charley is amazing in bed and hearing her moans really turns me on and makes me want to please her more.
“She wants to keep it down a bit after the meter reading told us exactly how loud we are but I can’t see that lasting for long.”
Simon says: “This couple recorded peaks of 111 to 128 decibels.
“That’s the equivalent of a sergeant major shouting on parade, a trombone, a chainsaw, a large factory riveting machine or a jack hammer.
“That level is 40 decibel points over the legal level allowed in the standard work environment, like a busy office or a school corridor at break time.”
‘My screams of pleasure boost his confidence’ - April, 31, and Tom, 29
PHOTOGRAPHER April Naylor and her fiancé Tom Jackson, an outdoor adventure leader, live in Bolton with 13-month-old son Logan and are proud to be crowned Britain’s loudest bonkers.
April says: "BEING loud and proud is important to Tom and me in the bedroom.
We don’t just have sex at night in the bedroom – we like to do it in adventurous places and when the mood takes us.
Tom knows I love what he does in bed and my screams of pleasure turn him on and boost his confidence.
We met in 2014 and moved in with each other four years later.
We lived in a single-bedroom flat in an apartment complex of six flats – and it wasn’t long before we started getting complaints.
One neighbour taped a note to our door saying it was like living near an airport, so we found it funny that our score in this test was the same as a plane taking off.
More and more neighbours started complaining by slipping notes under the floor telling us to keep it down or they would call the police.
Soon our landlord was asking us to be quiet.
He awkwardly added: “Apart from that, you’re the perfect tenants.”
Initially, we thought it was a joke. But we realised it wasn’t when the atmosphere in our flat complex became awkward with the other tenants.
After six months of complaints we had no choice but to move out.
We were not prepared to change our ways in the bedroom.
When we had Logan last May, we didn’t dampen down the noise.
We don’t just have sex at night in the bedroom – we like to do it in adventurous places and when the mood takes us.
April Naylor
He’s a super-chilled baby and can sleep through anything.
We knew we’d score high when we put the decibel meter in our house but even we were surprised at just how loud we are.
Scoring a peak of 133.2 decibels was our way of proving how much we love each other – and sex.
Tom says: “We’re not embarrassed by our score. Too many people are scared to let go during sex and need to be more open-minded.
“Our former neighbours need to lighten up and worry about their own sex lives, not ours.
“We now live in a two-bedroom detached house surrounded by fields at the bottom of a hill.
“Our neighbours are very polite and never say anything but they are far enough away not to hear much.”
Simon says: “If you compare the peak reading here to the Health and Safety Executive noise chart, it’s louder than a jet airliner taking off at 25 metres, a jack hammer or a police siren.
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“The decibel meter would have had to be right next to them to record that level.
“The further you are away from a sound, the lower the reading.”