I took one look at pale & vulnerable Azaylia and knew this was the day she would die, says Safiyya Vorajee

IN an exclusive extract from her book Loving And Losing You, Safiyya Vorajee shares the grief she and former footballer Ashley Cain experienced after leukaemia took their eight-month-old daughter.

“IT was April 24, 2021, and I took one look at Azaylia and knew that this was the day.

“She was pale and had a vulnerable look about her. Her breathing had become very slow and shallow.

“When her breaths finally stopped coming, Ashley and I lay either side of her on the bed, wrapping our arms around her gently. ‘We love you,’ we told her. ‘We love you, Azaylia.’”

These were the couple’s final moments with their baby girl.

She was born on August 10, 2020 and Safiyya and Ashley enjoyed the adventure of being new parents “lapping it up and learning fast”.

But after just eight weeks their daughter was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia.

For the following six months, the family experienced highs, such as when they thought Azaylia was in remission, to extreme lows.

On February 23, 2021, Azaylia was due to ring the bell — a custom on children’s cancer wards to mark that a child has been discharged.

But on that day her parents received the heartbreaking news that despite two lots of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant, Azaylia’s cancer had returned.

Safiyya writes: “Ten minutes before we were due to leave the hospital, and with dozens of nurses and other members of staff lining the corridor, waiting to clap as Azaylia rang the bell, a doctor appeared — and she wasn’t smiling.

‘We surround our daughter with good vibes’

“‘There is no easy way to say this,’ she said, ‘but the results of Azaylia’s latest bone marrow aspiration have just come back. They showed that Azaylia’s body was still producing cancerous cells — despite the fact that her body had accepted the transplant so well’.”

Never willing to give up on their girl, Ashley and Safiyya, from Nuneaton, Warks, researched treatments and always put on a brave face around Azaylia.

Safiyya writes: “Ashley declared that whenever we were with Azaylia, we had to bring 100 per cent happy, positive energy into the room.

“He insisted that when we were with her we smile, we dance, we play. We surround our daughter with good vibes and we make every day joyful.”

The family launched an appeal online to fund a £500,000 therapy, called CAR-T, in Singapore. It targets specific markers on a bone marrow test.

Ashley’s catchphrase for Azaylia, “Let’s Go, Champ’’, became a social media hashtag and they raised £1.6million in donations.

Safiyya writes: “Within three hours we raised a million pounds.

“That money meant we were able to arrange for the treatment in Singapore.

“But while I was organising the trip, we had another devastating blow — Azaylia’s cancer had spiked out of control and the Singapore treatment could no longer help her.

“A CT and ultrasound scan had shown that Azaylia had tumours in her brain, her kidneys, her liver and her spleen,” writes Safiyya.

The couple decided to take their girl home, where she would be comfortable and in familiar surroundings.

Ashley declared that whenever we were with Azaylia, we had to bring 100 per cent happy, positive energy into the room. He insisted that when we were with her we smile, we dance, we play. We surround our daughter with good vibes and we make every day joyful.

Within two weeks Azaylia Diamond Cain had passed away.

The following weeks were spent planning her funeral which was in May last year. They called it “Azaylia’s day”.

The couple chose a garden as the resting place for their special girl.

But it was after the funeral that reality really hit for Safiyya — and overwhelming grief took over.

“We were in a different kind of survival mode now,” she writes. “When I finally pulled myself out of bed, I could barely get showered and dressed.

“We didn’t know what to do or how to cope, and we stayed in the house together, existing as best we could.

“We visited her garden and I felt peace wash over me as soon as we arrived. It gave me so much solace to be close to Azaylia again, and after that I began to visit every day.

“I didn’t know anything about the grieving process, but what I did recognise was that despite the comfort the garden was giving me, I wasn’t getting any better.

“When I was on my own I would sit for hours on end, crying and crying and feeling myself slowly crumbling inside.

“I didn’t want to take antidepressants, I wanted to work through this on my own. I started to process the fact that while she was ill, I’d taken all my strength from being with Azaylia.

“She gave me all the strength I needed to get this far, but now that my responsibilities to her on Earth were over, my strength was deteriorating. I didn’t discuss this with anyone. I tried to carry on the way I knew best.”

For Safiyya and Ashley, a former winger for Coventry City, carrying on meant channelling their energy into Azaylia’s memory.

When I finally pulled myself out of bed, I could barely get showered and dressed. We didn’t know what to do or how to cope, and we stayed in the house together, existing as best we could.

They set up The Azaylia Foundation to help other families going through similar experiences.

Safiyya writes: “We had more than £1.5million in the GoFundMe account.

“We had a lot of work to do, from registering with the charity commission to creating budgets and policies, and working with medical institutions and doctors to develop the most effective foundation possible.

“Ashley and me would give our time for free. That meant we’d need to recruit a CEO to run the charity professionally. We wanted Azaylia’s foundation to have longevity.

“Our aim was not only to help individual children reach their life-saving goals, but to invest in cancer research and innovative treatments to revolutionise care and treatment options for children fighting cancer in the UK.”

The foundation is already doing that — supporting families of children with cancer and helping to fund equipment for hospitals.

After enduring so much pain, former Ex On The Beach star Ashley, 31, and Safiyya, 34, have now gone their separate ways, yet remain close friends.

In a joint statement in March, they said they had separated “a few months ago”, adding: “This was an incredibly tough decision which we needed to keep to ourselves for some time to give us the opportunity to figure out our own journey privately.

“We remain the closest of friends, spending time together every day, and we will love, care and support each other for ever.”

Their relationship gave them Azaylia — and for Safiyya, her “princess” made her a better person.

Safiyya, an aesthetic practitioner, writes: “I had so much to learn when Azaylia became ill, but no idea where to turn.

“If I can help other people in any way at all, I’ll be so happy and thankful, and I will have done the job Azaylia prepared me to do.

“She has broadened my horizons in ways I never imagined. I am less narrow-minded and I’m determined to be a better person.

“Azaylia, you are my hero and my inspiration. You taught me this, Princess. Thank you."

Adapted by Natasha Harding from Loving And Losing You, Azaylia: My ­Inspirational Daughter And Our Unbreakable Bond, by Safiyya Vorajee, published by Ebury Spotlight (£20) on April 28.