I’m a mum-of-seven and have had kids in my 20s, 30s and 40s – there’s definitely an age it was easiest
A MUM-OF-SEVEN has revealed how she’s given birth in her 20s, 30s and 40s - and what age it’s easiest.
Jeanie Bastyan, 46, from Cardiff, south Wales, has done it all from c-sections to vaginal births, breast, bottle, weaned and spoon fed and even had twins.
Now Jeanie, married to Gavin Bastyan, 54, a manager, and mum to Michael, 22, Paige, 21, Ben, 20, Emily and Ava, 13, Tobie, 11 and Ettie, four, shares her story with Fabulous...
"PANTING in the labour suite, I gripped my husband Gavin’s hand and gave one final push.
Then, after nine months of waiting, our darling baby girl Ettie arrived.
It was 2017 and at 41 I was classed as a geriatric mum. But this wasn’t mine and Gavin’s first pregnancy.
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Since turning 22, 18 years earlier, we've had seven kids - three in my 20s, three in my 30s and one in my 40s.
Five were born vaginally and the twins via c-section. I’ve experienced it all - tantrums, tears, midnight dashes to A&E and bad school reports.
As a result I’m ideally equipped to answer questions women really want to know about motherhood and childbirth.
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‘What age is it easiest to be a mum?’
‘What births do you really recover quickest from?’
‘Are you judged by medical professionals and staff differently at different ages?’
‘Does labour get any easier?
Ironically, considering our bumper brood, Gavin and I never set out to have seven children.
Three was our original target, we’re both one of three, but we just loved having kids - and, as a result of clever budgeting and parenting, we’ve not had to sacrifice family treats like holidays or a clean house either.
Five of the children were planned and two came along as surprises. In between, I used contraception.
Now, however, we wouldn't have it any other way.
I first met Gavin when he interviewed me for a job in May 1998 and that June we started dating.
In October the following year we married.
Our first son was planned and Michael, now 22, arrived in January 2000.
Giving birth aged 23 at the University Hospital of Wales in Cardiff was relatively calm and I wasn't stressed.
At 23 when I had my first child, midwives gave me conflicting advice and I felt like a deer in the headlights
Jeanie Bastyan
I had an epidural, we’d done birthing classes and my labour progressed quickly over three-and-a-quarter hours.
As soon as we met Michael we fell in love.
But being a mum for the first time was scary. I couldn't sleep because I wanted to stare at him constantly.
I struggled to breastfeed, and I wanted everything perfect - I fretted about every tumble and scratch.
I weaned him at four months and my nanna and mum were always there for advice which I willingly took.
Just a year later in January 2001, Paige, now 21, arrived.
We loved our back-to-back babies and having two under two wasn’t as challenging as I thought it might be as they were on the same schedule.
The most difficult element was the epidural I was given during Paige’s labour.
It temporarily froze my face and I briefly lost all sensation down one side of my body.
Then, when I was 26 in March 2002, our first ‘happy accident’ came along and we ended up with three under three.
Ben, now 20, was unexpected but very wanted.
But we were on a tight budget and initially I was lonely.
I discovered getting three babies all changed clean, fed and ready to go at exactly the same time was almost impossible.
I would get one ready and then straight away another would want a feed.
Having mastered raising three under three, Gavin and I decided we’d try for a fourth.
We wanted to be responsible and knew we could afford another kid.
I’d fallen pregnant so easily with the first three so I expected number four to come along as soon as we started trying.
AN AGONISING WOMB CONDITION AFFECTING MILLIONS
Endometriosis is a chronic condition which occurs when tissue which behaves like the lining of the womb is found outside of the womb – in areas of the body including the ovaries, fallopian tubes, the abdomen and the bladder.
The exact cause of the condition isn’t known, but it’s thought it could be hereditary or due to environmental factors – namely the presence of dioxins in the environment.
Endometriosis can sometimes cause damage to the fallopian tubes or ovaries, leading to fertility problems.
Other complications can include painful ovarian cysts and adhesions – areas of tissue which can fuse organs together.
Symptoms:
- painful or heavy periods
- pain during and following sex
- bleeding between periods
- pain in the lower abdomen
- difficulty conceiving
- fatigue
- discomfort going to the toilet
How can it affect fertility?
In some cases, endometriosis can leave a woman infertile.
If the abnormal tissue is left untreated it can cause damage and scarring to the womb and other parts of the female reproductive system.
If the damage is severe enough, it may mean a woman will be unable to conceive.
Treatment:
There is no cure for endometriosis, but the symptoms can be managed.
Some women are prescribed pain medications that target inflammation.
Others are given hormonal treatments to limit the production of oestrogen, which encourages the abnormal tissue to grow.
However, some women opt to have a hysterectomy to completely rid them of the pain.
According to NHS guidelines, a hysterectomy – an operation to remove the womb – is rare, and usually only performed on women for whom other treatments haven’t work, and who have decided to not have any more children.
But after two years nothing happened. Suffering stomach pains, my GP friend suggested I visit a specialist who diagnosed me with severe endometriosis, when cells from the womb grow elsewhere in the body.
Scans showed my left ovary had also attached itself to the wall of my womb.
It was devastating and in 2008, aged 32, I had surgery to remove the endometriosis cells and the ovary leaving me with just one.
The doctors warned me and Gavin falling pregnant could be difficult. But within two months I was expecting identical twin girls.
I was 33 in January 2009 when Ava and Emily, now 13, arrived following my first ever c-section. I felt so unwell in the lead up to the birth and ended up with pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure and was in intensive care with shock.
But I loved being a new mum again. For the first time I breastfed properly, which I loved.
Meanwhile, seven years on from my last, playgrounds were newer and more impressive.
I also felt more confident and made my own food rather than relying on pre-packaged mixes.
Then, just 26 months later, I fell pregnant with Tobie, now 11, who arrived following a vaginal birth.
He was a surprise. Breastfeeding, my periods hadn’t returned properly and I assumed I was too old to have another one easily.
Being a mum in my mid 30s was a world away from being a mum in my early 20s.
I was so much more confident, happy to ignore the well-meaning advice of others, and was more relaxed and easy-going about routines.
The new babies had to fit around us - not the other way round.
But I had changed too. I’d become far more chilled about motherhood.
Whereas with my first I was so paranoid about everything - temperature, feeding and whether they were meeting their milestones - by my sixth I was so much more chilled.
In my 30s people were more respectful because my chart showed I had had three children already
Jeanie Bastyan
Still, with six of us sleeping in a four-bed house, another child wasn't likely.
Until, aged 40, I got that familiar yearning and really wanted just one more.
After a year in October 2016 I fell pregnant again. Ettie, now four, was born naturally in July 2017 when I was 41.
I tried for a year to conceive Ettie, but from the moment she was born she was a very easy baby.
She’s smothered in love by her other brothers and sisters and we joke she has multiple dads and mums.
The kids all still live at home in our four-bedroom house with Ettie and Tobie each having bunkbeds in the huge master bedroom with us.
We always have a date night on Saturday night and the children know it’s mum and dad’s special time.
Paige has her own room whereas Michael and Ben share, and the twins share.
After the twins were born friends were always asking me if I could babysit because I had such a well-organised family.
So I decided to register as a childminding business.
Now as well as looking after the seven children we look after other people’s kids as well.
It’s a real family effort. Each day Micheal gets Ettie ready for school and does the school bags and takes out the bins.
Paige cleans all the bathrooms and makes sure all the lunchboxes are packed for everyone.
Ben does the laundry, Emily vacuums and Ava makes breakfast.
Tobie’s responsible for ensuring all toys are put away - even Ettie sets the table.
People always think we must be broke but it’s not true - we’re sensible. Our weekly food shop is £250, we spend roughly £1.30 per person per meal and save cash by batch-cooking and freezing.
We put aside an extra £50 a week for treats and takeaways too.
We even manage to have overseas holidays with the entire family and the older kids have part-time jobs.
Gavin and I still get time for a date night and we never need a babysitter because someone is always there to keep an eye on the youngest three.
Having Ettie in my 40s has made me more relaxed and chilled. The older kids love to tell me I was super strict with them and have mellowed with the younger children.
I think I just got more confident and learnt not to sweat the small things like mismatched socks and making the perfect school costume.
In my 40s I understand all the different ages and issues a child goes through and it’s easier giving advice to the younger three because I have already been through it with the older kids.
By my 40s I was reminded about the dangers of having a baby in later life
Jeanie Bastyan
Of course, I’ve been hit with assumptions. I’m always asked if the kids have the same dad, and people are desperate for information about the family combination and make up.
Some people assumed I was on benefits and that has never been the case.
So when people ask me the easiest age to be a mum, I say 36 - when the youngest was at secondary school.
I recovered quickest from my vaginal births and was treated differently at different ages by medical staff.
At 23 when I had my first child, midwives gave me conflicting advice and I felt like a deer in the headlights.
In my 30s people were more respectful because my chart showed I had had three children already. By my 40s I was reminded about the dangers of having a baby in later life.
However, labour doesn’t - unfortunately - get easier. Ettie at 41 was quickest but the birth was super fast and I felt a little out of control. In my 30s having twins via c-section was the scariest and in my 20s having my first was easy because of the labour being just over three hours.
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When it comes to giving birth it doesn't matter how many kids you have, each birth is unique.
But either way having a huge family is wonderful - we’re all so close and I’d never regret it."
