I’m a parenting expert… from no chores to tantrums, here are the parenting mistakes that will make your kid a brat
NO PARENT wants to admit that they're raising a brat with most mums convinced their parenting is flawless.
However, parenting expert says badly behaved children are a result of their upbringing.
''Maybe not necessarily in material ways…Even as a parent myself, we can sometimes get carried away and then you have to sort of think ‘Hang on a minute, no, that’s not right, you don’t need that','' reflected Kirsty.
''I think it’s just this need for wanting the best for your child all the time.''
Offering a helping hand to those who are parents or about to become ones, Kirsty spoke to Fabulous, revealing the top mistakes people make when bringing up their offspring.
And, turns out, there's more to it than just giving in.
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NO CHORES AND RESPONSIBILITIES
When thinking about the most common parenting errors, Kirsty almost immediately pointed out that children are not given any or enough chores to do around the house.
''So having any responsibility - and I think that kids don’t tend to be responsible for their stuff a lot these days.''
A mum-of-two, Kirsty knows the temptation of completing the necessary housework yourself - after all, it's easier and more efficient.
But this, she believed, is vital to the child's sense of responsibility.
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For those who do give their children tasks to do around the house - whether it's doing the dishes or taking the rubbish out - the expert has also noticed the tendency to ''pay'' for these little jobs.
She recently explored this in a discussion with two British mums - one of whom made her seven-year-old do chores to earn 50p pocket money.
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Although ultimately it comes down to each parent and what they deem right, Kirsty wanted to remind that your kid will become used to it and over time will start to expect a financial reward for every little thing they’ve done.
''A bribe essentially, isn’t it,'' Kirsty said whilst mentioning an instance where a mum promised her toddler to do ''lots of things'' when they got home - just so he would hold her hand.
PARENT - NOT A FRIEND
We all want to have a good relationship with our kids - but there's a fine line that many seem to have a crossed, Kirsty has observed.
''At the end of the day, you’re the parent, you’re the one setting rules and boundaries and they have to be respected.''
If not done from the beginning, it will be ‘’harder to put them in place later on because they’ll be used to not having any''.
This, she explained, doesn't necessarily mean you have to be extra strict - but rather being consistent.
COMPENSATING FOR THEIR CHILDHOOD
The overall standard of life has improved - which means there is a variety of goods now available which a lot of parents didn't have around growing up.
And Kirsty believed in some cases there's a link between a one's youth and raising up a brat.
''Some adults these days who’ve had a tougher childhood, perhaps they don’t want that for their own kids and they will compensate for it.''
Although this might seem harmless, the expert explained that the children will ''grow to expect that all the time''.
''And then the pressure is on them [the parents] to go out and be successful [...] to maintain that lifestyle.
Some parents, she has observed, work long hours and feel guilty about not being able to spend as much time with their children as they’d like to.
In scenarios like this, they will resort to other, mostly materialistic, ways to make up for it.
‘’Quite sad but also kind of understandable.
''Mother guilt is horrible - I think about it all the time.''
TEMPER TANTRUMS & GIVING IN
If you have children or have worked in childcare, you will know the sheer frustration when your kid is having a tantrum - a particularly stressful time for those with two-year-olds.
But as tempting as it may be, giving in and getting the kid what he so desperately wants is not always the best option.
Children are more clever than adults give them credit for and will soon realise that crying and shouting - especially in public - is the quickest way of getting what they desire.
''The biggest thing - and I know it's hard - is to remain calm,'' said Kirsty.
''Take a big, deep breath [...] and remain as calm as possible - because you can be more in control when you're calm.''
This, according to her, will also teach your children how to control their emotions as they grow up.
''Show them you understand why they're frustrated or upset. But just try to not relent.''
Kirsty also reminded to remember that it's an age thing and children should not be punished for acting out.
''At the end of the day, it's all to do with their emotions and feelings - that's what they are exploring and trying to make sense of.
''There's a lot going on.''
Kirsty is also a mum to Ella and Leo - two wonderful children who have decided to help the Ukrainian children in the current war.
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They have chosen to walk/run 43 miles - the distance that Ukrainian children and their families have walked from Lviv to Poland, seeking refuge from the Russian army.
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