I couldn’t orgasm after the menopause & my mind felt so foggy I thought I had dementia.

SEX is off the agenda for almost half of women going through the menopause as fluctuating hormones cause dwindling libidos.

Around a quarter of women fear their partner will leave them because they have lost interest in intimacy, according to a poll by Stowe Family Law. Symptoms such as mood swings, fatigue, loss of confidence and anxiety can put a woman off making love. Three women tell Lynsey Hope how their sex drives have been impacted by “the change”.

'I developed a real lack of interest and struggled to reach orgasm until I had HRT' - Jane, 48

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AUTHOR Jane Lacey Crane, 48, from Spalding, Lincs, lost her ability to orgasm due to the menopause.

But Jane, who has a daughter aged 16 and a 13-year-old son, says HRT has rebooted her sex life with husband Jason, 50, a mortgage adviser. She says:

"Jason and I have been together for 28 years with a healthy sex life that has ebbed and flowed over the years, as is normal for any couple.

We had children in our thirties and our sex life was quiet for a while, but things picked up as the kids got older and we had more time for ourselves.

But around three years ago I suddenly developed a real lack of interest in sex.

When we had sex, I struggled to reach orgasm. I was also suffering from memory loss, brain fog and a lack of concentration.

It was so severe I saw my GP, worried I was experiencing early- onset dementia. He prescribed anti-depressants.

Next came the hot flushes and I knew something wasn’t right. I was in my early forties, so I didn’t think it was linked to the menopause, but then my periods became irregular.

As a working mum of two, my lack of drive bothered Jason more than it did me and it caused a few difficult conversations. I told Jason I still fancied and loved him.

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Soon it became more than just a lack of interest in sex. If I wasn’t bad- tempered, I was crying.

After watching the Davina McCall documentary Sex, Myths And The Menopause, which featured interviews with women experiencing the same symptoms as me, I found the confidence to book another GP appointment. This time I insisted on HRT. I like sex and I like being close with my husband – I wanted that back.

I was prescribed oestrogen patches to replace my dwindling hormones, which I stick on my bottom. A few months on, I have already noticed a difference.

For a long time, I could not orgasm, even by myself. But we had sex a few weeks back and I had an orgasm.

I was so happy to have my mojo back that I burst into tears.

I’d convinced myself all that had stopped working, so I was relieved to experience it again.

Help is there, but women need to have the confidence to ask for it."

'I lost my libido…we used to do it two or three times a week, now it’s once a month, - Joanne, 54

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MUM-of-three Joanne Gunn says menopausal symptoms have left her feeling unattractive, and she has gone from having sex two or three times a week to once a month.

Joanne lives in Brighton, East Sussex, with partner Jonathan Smith, 52, a delivery driver. She says:

"I’ve been in a relationship with Jon­athan for three years and we have always had a great sex life.

But at 52, I suddenly didn’t feel myself. I struggled to focus on simple tasks, cooking dinner or tidying the house, so I booked an appointment with my GP.

A blood test that checks hormone levels confirmed I was in the perimenopause – the time that leads up to periods stopping altogether.

I was shocked because I thought periods just stopped – I didn’t know women went through a wide range of symptoms.

Six months ago, I completely lost my libido. My skin and hair felt dry, and I put on a stone and a half – I didn’t feel sexy at all.

We only do it once a month now, whereas it would have been two or three times a week before.

The thought of undressing after putting on so much weight and feeling so tired meant it wasn’t top of my list at bedtime.

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Another symptom of fluctuating hormones is vaginal dryness, which means sex can be painful, and I’m exhausted most of the time because I also have a condition called ­fibromyalgia.

The last thing I want to do is rip my clothes off and jump into bed.

Fortunately, Jonathan has been very supportive and patient.

He has read up on the menopause and encourages me to talk about how I’m feeling.

Two years ago, I was prescribed oestrogen gel which I rub on my thigh. It improved things, but some symptoms such as hot flushes and fatigue have returned, so I’m about to increase my dose to try to get back on track.

I am keen to have a good sex life in my later years as I think it keeps a relationship strong – it’s important at every age.

It’s a shame it’s all gone down the pan at the minute."

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'Bodily changes meant I had to alter my sexual routine. Now I enjoy sex more than in my 20s' - Stella, 74

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POST-menopausal Stella Ralfini says she is better in the bedroom in her seventies than she was in her twenties.

Stella, who has been in a new relationship for six months, is a wellness coach and yoga and neo­tantra teacher from ­Camden, North West, London. She says:

"The menopause meant I had to find new ways to enjoy sex and I have better orgasms now than I did in my younger years.

Until I hit 47, I had a healthy libido and found it easy to orgasm with the man I was with.

When the menopause struck, I suffered. My skin became sensitive and I couldn’t bear my breasts being touched.

I felt dry vaginally and sex lost its appeal. Nothing turned me on sexually, but I didn’t want to be that woman who makes excuses in the bedroom.

I changed my diet, reducing meat and eating more fish and vegetables, started taking maca root – a Peruvian vegetable – in an attempt to boost my libido, and concentrated on pelvic floor exercises.

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Most importantly, I was honest with my partner and together we found new ways to have sex, focusing more on foreplay so I could reach orgasm.

We had scented baths together, tried out new positions and brought sex toys into our relationship. As long as my partner saw me climax, he was happy.

Bodily changes during menopause meant I had to alter my sexual routine to find what worked and it’s the same for all women.

I’m a huge believer that staying sexually active and having regular orgasms is key to keeping women young and healthy.

Men are likely to find sex elsewhere if their partner goes off it completely.

Women need to find a way to keep sex alive and thriving if a relationship is to be a success.

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I was 52 years old when my periods stopped completely, but I’ve never felt better.

Menopause shouldn’t mean the end of sex – it can be the start of something even better."