The only time we see other vulvas is in porn – it’s no wonder we feel self-conscious about size, shape & colour of ours

COULD you point out your perineum? Not in public, perhaps. Do you know the difference between the labia majora and minora? Or did you think they were constellations?

According to a new survey, most Brits can’t name all the parts of the female genitalia, with half of us unable to identify the urethra (that’s the one we wee out of, BTW) and a whopping 37% of people mislabelling the clitoris (which explains a lot).*

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I consider myself open-minded, a feminist and a big believer in exploring your own body, and yet my knowledge of my own vulva remains woefully lacking.

It was only recently that I learned that it’s called a vulva and not a vagina (that’s the main canal).

Calling that whole area your vagina is like calling a penis a shaft – it leaves out most of the fun stuff.

I know I’m not alone. A friend having fertility issues described not recognising her own uterus on a scan and then being freaked out because it looked like an alien’s head.

Another mate, a hyper-eloquent lawyer who’s never lost for words, had a prolapsed bladder after giving birth and found herself struck mute in the GP surgery because she didn’t have the vocabulary to describe her symptoms.

Several years ago, I signed up to an event called The Art of Pussy Gazing.

I was newly single and thought it might be a good way to learn more about my body. I also figured that it would beat another night in alone watching Netflix.

I was one of 12 women of all ages, races and sizes sitting in a candlelit room, and we were invited to wrap a blanket around us, remove our underwear, pick up a hand mirror and “commune with our wellspring of power, pleasure and play”. 

While at first I found it hard to stifle my giggles, I quickly became captivated by what “she” looked like.

I hadn’t done this since I was a teenager, and it struck me how strange it is that we so intimately know other parts of our body – scrutinise them even – but we couldn’t pick out our own vulvas from a line-up.

Clearly we need better sex education that goes beyond diagrams in dusty old textbooks.

Kate Wills

It also made me wonder why we feel so much shame and fear around this incredibly complex and wonderful part of us.

Before that night, the only attention I’d paid to my vulva was digging out a stubborn ingrown hair – which is a pity, because there’s so much cool stuff going on down there!

I also realised that the only time we really see other vulvas is in porn, so it’s no wonder so many of us feel self-conscious about the size, shape and colour of ours.

Clearly we need better sex education that goes beyond diagrams in dusty old textbooks. And even before school, how you refer to your child’s private parts – and your own – has a big impact on how the next generation feel about their bodies.

But it’s not easy. My partner Guy and I were bathing our baby daughter Blake the other night.

“Don’t forget to wash… down there,” I said, suddenly feeling awkward.

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Whatever you happen to call yours, I encourage you to grab a hand mirror, get exploring and channel some Big Vulva Energy. No doubt she’ll be delighted to see you.

• Follow Kate on Instagram @katewillswrites.