Sexpert reveals the ultimate guide to keeping the spark alive in lockdown

IF lockdown is putting a strain on your relationship, you are not alone, as much as you might wish you were.

A survey has revealed that one in five couples who are self-isolating together have admitted their relationship is “on the rocks”, with another one in ten actually splitting up.

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The top cause of tension, according to 62 per cent of those surveyed by website onbuy.com, is “being in each other’s space too much”.

Celebrities have not escaped the effects either, with Jesy Nelson and Chris Hughes splitting after 18 months together and

Boyzone’s Shane Lynch breaking up with wife Sheena White after 13 years of marriage.

Here, sex expert KATE TAYLOR offers tips for making it through the coronacrisis together stronger than ever, no matter what stage of the ­relationship you’re in.

DATING, BUT LOCKED DOWN APART

EXTENDED isolation can bring a raft of issues to a new relationship, from trust fears to simply wondering if it’s worth the effort to keep connecting.        If you were just dating when lockdown happened, you’ve probably had to make some big decisions that ­normally wouldn’t have come up yet.

They include: Are you exclusive? Can you depend on each other for ­practical and emotional support?

Should you move in together and risk fast-forwarding things, or stay separate and risk drifting apart?

That’s a lot of pressure when you’re still at the dinner-and-a-snog stage.

Ramp up the fun

EARLY dating is all about fun, light-heartedness, shared experiences and laughter.    Bring as many of those things into your interactions as possible, even if it’s just online.

Get experimental when you connect — have ­virtual Zoom dates, cook the same meals, watch movies simultaneously, play quizzes on Houseparty.

Focus on fun and be each other’s ­welcome distraction from real-life bad news.

Don’t neglect your own life

EARLY dating would usually find you filling your life with friends and family as well as your partner.      Keep doing that now, so your fragile new relationship doesn’t become your only emotional support.      Likewise, don’t resent your partner when they make time for their own hobbies, interests and people.

Don’t panic

IF you don’t hear from your partner for a while, don’t plague yourself with fears that they are cheating, unwell or losing interest. If coronavirus is teaching us anything, it’s to focus only on the things that we can control.

If everything seemed fine before, it’s probably fine now.

If it isn’t, you’ll have the strength to deal with it. Keep up your self-care, and reach out to a friend.

JUST MOVED IN

WHETHER you moved in together for the lockdown or you were newly unpacked when the crisis broke, this time is putting more strain on your connection than normal.

The good news is you have novelty and excitement to keep you going. The bad news is, like all of us, you’re ­having to try to be a great partner while living in unpredictable times.

You might also be navigating a shared workspace or very different working routines.

Find some space

IT’S not a bad sign if you or your other half need a break from each other every day.     Constant closeness is hard on even the most passionate couples.

Find a retreat that you can enjoy alone, such as a bath, a book or your hour of exercise, and build it into your routine before the 24/7 contact wears thin.      Similarly, don’t feel shunned if your partner vanishes into a different room for a while.

Lower expectations

YOU’RE not seeing your other half in their best light right now, so don’t make long-term decisions based on an ­unusual situation.

We’re all scared, stressed and mixed up, and showing it in different ways.

Don’t expect perfection. Instead, focus on the good things and find something to compliment every day.

Keep physical

NEVER underestimate the healing power of a bunk-up.     It’s a natural stress reliever, mood booster, argument ­stopper and subject changer.

More importantly now, it’s a way to kill time.

If your libido has dropped due to anxiety, focus on connecting physically with non-sexual touching such as massage and hugs, and let the arousal build up naturally.

LOCKED IN WITH KIDS

PARENTING puts a strain on every relationship but at the moment, when schools and playgrounds are closed and families are cooped up 24/7, most are finding it extremely tough.

And that’s before you add in ­financial worries, uncertainty about the future, and work pressures . . .

Take care of yourself

MAKING time to look after yourself is not selfish. It’s actually setting a really good example to your kids.

Whatever you need to lift your spirits, DO IT. Put it on the shared family ­calendar so everyone knows it’s non-negotiable.

Rewrite your routine

TALKING of family calendars, throw out the routines you had before lockdown and draw up a new regime.

As a family, divide chores fairly, and make sure no one person is under more pressure than another. As a couple, present a united front. Back each other on discipline, and ensure you both get a break each day.

Don’t compare yourself to other families

MONITOR your mood. If Instagram leaves you feeling depressed, avoid it for a few days, or follow more realistic role models.

(We’re not all Chrissy Teigen, looking hot doing crafts all day with angelic kids.)

If your WhatsApp groups leave you feeling drained, turn off the notifications.

As much as possible, get physical touches.

A hug, hair-rub or kiss right now will calm your nerves.

EMPTY NESTERS OR RETIRED

DON’T underestimate how much strain the lockdown could be putting on you and your other half, even if you’ve been together for years.

All your life, your relationship has been supported by many things — time apart, socialising with friends, connecting through family and hobbies. Now that has suddenly been wrenched away. It’s normal to feel a bit wobbly.

Do, however, take strength from ­realising you are the best age group to weather this crisis emotionally.

Studies consistently show that older couples usually display excellent ­relationship skills.

Relive happy memories

WHEN the future is uncertain, happy couples spend time remembering better times they spent together.      It’s not just nostalgia — it helps you strengthen what experts call your “love map” of shared positive experiences.

Get out the photo albums and relive your wedding day, life as newlyweds, or your happiest holidays.

Acknowledge your other half’s bids for affection

EVERY day we send out several signals to our partner that we want a smile, a touch, reassurance or a compliment.

Sometimes these are obvious, like opening your arms out for a hug.

But sometimes, when we’re feeling on edge, they’re hidden behind a ­complaint or a trivial question. Pay attention to your partner and respond.

Be kind

WHEN you’re feeling scared or stressed, little acts of kindness make a real difference.

So sprinkle your day with tiny acts of kindness towards your partner.

Bring them an unexpected cup of tea. Cook their favourite dinner.

Set the TV to record a show they like. (Especially if you don’t like it.)

Don’t put yourself under pressure, or you will feel resentful that you are giving “the most”. Just focus on small ways to brighten their day.

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