We stopped having sex like Orlando Bloom and ended up achieving our dreams
IF you’re not seeing much action between the sheets during lockdown, don’t panic.
Taking a sex sabbatical could help you achieve great things.
Katy Perry is now pregnant to Orlando Bloom but it was a self-imposed sex-ban that brought them together.
Actor Orlando, 43, had been celibate for six months when he met and “connected” with Katy, 35 — achieving his goal of finding true love.
His friend, surfer Laird Hamilton, had encouraged him to give up sex.
Orlando said: “Laird said, if you want to be serious about a relationship, go celibate for a few months and figure it out.
“I was going to do three months, but I was really enjoying the way I was relating to women, and to the feminine within myself.”
Here, three women who gave up sex to achieve their dreams, tell how it worked.
Gemma, 33: Fell in love
AFTER spending a year dating following a serious relationship, Gemma Butler gave up sex for two years to find the man of her dreams.
She now lives in Mansfield, Notts with partner Jay Edwards, 31, who works in medical manufacturing, and their six-month old daughter Ivy. Gemma, who works for a medical supply company, says:
“I ALWAYS wanted a career, a good man and a family.
“I was with my first boyfriend for 13 years and we were engaged for six months but something didn’t feel right. Our relationship had gone flat. We ended up calling off the wedding.
“I was 26 and had never dated as an adult – I’ll admit, I got a bit overexcited.
“I started going on lots of dates and loved the sexual freedom.
“I went to Ibiza for a month that summer and met all different kinds of guys.
“At first I loved the sun, sex and partying, but after that extended holiday, and another eight months back home dating and getting nowhere, I realised that I wanted a proper relationship.
“I’d been going on dates but we’d either get too drunk or end up in bed together and never speak again afterwards. Sex had got in the way every time.
“On June 1, 2015, I swore myself off sex. I focused on work and saving money to get my own flat. I had more headspace and was able to think about what I wanted in a man.
“After a year, I made a plan. I wouldn’t go on dating apps or accept blind dates from friends. I’d wait till I met someone organically, and I wouldn’t sleep with them until at least a third date.
“In June 2017, I got chatting to Jay at a house party. I hadn’t dressed sexily or turned up wondering which guys would be there.
“We talked for hours – and at midnight, we swapped numbers. He texted and asked me on a date and I immediately said yes.
“We took things slowly and even though I really wanted to go back to his after the second date, I resisted. After our third date, I ended my sex ban and it had all been worth it.
“A year later we moved in together.
“Jay was everything I was looking for – kind, open and caring. We have the same interests and the sex is great.
“We had Ivy in September last year. Swearing off sex really did help me find the man of my dreams.
“When I met Jay I trusted myself that he was the one.”
Aimi, 25: Dream job
AIMI Stanley took a three-year sex sabbatical to focus on her degree and land a dream job.
The jewellery company assistant manager, from Highgate, North London, says:
“I began my degree in International Hospitality and Business Management at the University of East London in 2013, intending to get my head down.
“But I was single and being around so many new and interesting people was massively exciting. In my first two years I dated constantly.
“Some lasted a week, some were one night only, and some were six months.
“I really enjoyed the freedom but I didn’t realise how much it was all impacting on my studies.
“If I had a short relationship, when it ended I’d be sad and struggle to get motivated, and if I was fully single, I’d be having lots of late nights, going out and meeting guys.
“Sex was constantly getting in the way of studying. My grades slipped, and after my second year I felt so disappointed.
“I wanted to manage a business after I graduated, but there was no chance of that if I failed.
“So in September 2015 I vowed to give up sex and dating until I graduated and got my dream job.
“In my third year at university, I still went out with friends but I’d wake up in my own bed with no distractions.
“I wasn’t checking my phone to see if a guy had texted me back and I didn’t have any heartbreak to get me down.
“If a guy approached me when we were out, I’d chat, but I didn’t even entertain kissing. I told some of them I had given up sex – some were offended, some laughed and some said I was smart to have that attitude.
“Every time I sat an exam or handed in an essay, I got an A. I even found time to do extra reading.
“I didn’t have to worry about someone else and didn’t have a bloke telling me to put away the books for a quickie.
“I graduated with a first class degree and my family cheered me on with pride.
“But I kept my celibacy. I started working full time for an international jewellery company as a sales consultant and put everything into the job. Within six months, I was promoted to supervisor.
“By December 2017 I became the youngest assistant manager in Britain. I have never been more focused.
“Once I had this successful career, I decided to start dating again, but this time with control.
“I’ve slept with a few guys and had a few relationships, and I know now when I meet the right guy, I’ll settle down. But for me, giving up sex helped me achieve my career goals.”
Gabby, 26: Fit & healthy
HEALTH care assistant Gabby Nadi gave up sex for a year to achieve her goal of losing 7st by focusing on the gym and eating healthily.
Gabby, from Marlow, Bucks, who dropped from a size 24 to a 14, says:
“I’d always been overweight and when I left school at 18 and trained as a healthcare assistant in nursing homes and hospitals I found myself eating more junk food than before.
“I went from a size 18 up to a size 22 by the age of 23.
“I was dating a lot back then and the men I met told me they loved the fact I was “bigger” so I kept telling myself I didn’t need to lose weight if the men I was seeing found me attractive.
“I had a few short relationships and the sex was always great, but we would go out for lots of fattening dinners and drink cocktails together, so the weight kept piling on.
“By April 2018 I hit my heaviest weight of 21st 8lbs and wore a size 24.
“I started feeling really uncomfortable in my clothes and about my size. It was hard walking upstairs, I was catching more colds and when I had sex it proved more difficult due to my size.
“At the end of the summer that year, I decided to give up sex until I lost weight. I started by going for long walks when I’d usually be dating or texting guys.
“I also cut out junk food like biscuits, takeaways and sweets.
“With no one else’s opinion on my body, I was able to focus on how I wanted to feel.
“I wasn’t dating, which meant way less wine and prosecco, too.
“By January 2019 I’d lost 2st and felt incredible. I joined the gym and started cooking my meals from scratch. Giving up sex and dating meant I had the time to do this.
“Within a month I’d lost another stone.
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“I was looking at my body properly and I felt sexier the more I connected with it. My friends thought I was joking when I told them my secret was not having sex.
“I told a few men who asked me out that I was on a sex and dating ban to lose weight and most of them actually thought it was impressive. By February this year I’d lost 7st 3lbs and was a size 14.
“My confidence has skyrocketed and I finally feel ready to start dating again.”
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