I’m not shocked calls to abuse lines have risen 25% – my ex raped me in my sleep for years & lockdown would be his dream
A MUM who was raped and physically assaulted by her ex for eight years has spoken of the horror abused women will face in lockdown, saying it will be "torture" for them.
Mum-of-three Becky Bellenie, from Chelmsford, Essex, was attacked by abusive partner Neil Parrish, 37, for nearly a decade. She told Fabulous she fears for abused women's safety as it was revealed calls to the UK's largest domestic abuse charity have soared by 25 per cent during lockdown.
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Waiving her right to anonymity, former pharmacy worker Becky, 35, now employed as a key worker in admin in an NHS trust, told how evil Parrish repeatedly raped her - even when she was asleep.
She only became free of him in 2017 when she reported him to the police and he was jailed for 11 years.
"Neil sexually, physically and verbally abused me," she told Fabulous. "It was relentless. It must be hell for the women currently suffering and I am not surprised calls to domestic violence charities have gone up 25 per cent."
But while abused woman - and men - need support more than ever services are being forced to reduce what they offer because of government restrictions during lockdown.
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The Woman's Trust in West London has closed its group sessions, although is offering them online, with a sign on its website saying: "Our staff are now working remotely – there may be some delay in responding to calls and emails during this time, please bear with us.
"We are in the process of working with all of our clients to rearrange our face to face counselling sessions and move to phone appointments, where possible.
"We know this is not an ideal solution, but we are committed to making sure vulnerable women still have access to the mental health support they need during this critical time.
"For the time being, group therapy sessions are suspended, for public health reasons. We will continue to monitor the situation and consider possible alternative arrangements."
Meanwhile, Sussex's The Survivors' Network - offering support to abused people across East and West Sussex - has also closed its group work during the coronavirus crisis.
It must be hell for the women currently suffering and I am not surprised calls to domestic violence charities have gone up 25 percent.
Becky Bellenie
Therapist Beth Thompson, from The Woman's Trust, told the it was "torture" imagining what the abused women were going through.
"They are trapped with the person who abuses them," she said. "It’s almost impossible for them to get in touch. They’ll email or text to say they are struggling. They may have to go for a walk to call me from outside."
Becky, who was a confident single mum of two before getting together with Parrish in 2010, said she can't imagine how difficult it for those suffering.
"I would hate to be living with my ex in this lockdown," she said, explaining how he would rape her every day.
"It is hard enough managing to escape for a few minutes at time in day to day life but in lockdown there is no escape.
"There is no freedom.
"There will certainly be a rise in deaths in this lockdown due to domestic violence - there already has been."
Kelly Fitzgibbons, 40, Robert Needham, 42, and daughters Ava, four and Lexi, two, were found dead at their home in Woodmancote, West Sussex.
Builder Mr Needham is believed to have gone on the gun rampage after becoming stressed over coronavirus cash worries.
He is thought to have shot his children and partner in their beds and then killed the family's dog before turning the weapon on himself in the upstairs bedroom.
Meanwhile, abused women have taken to for support with one woman writing just a few days ago: "Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally.
"Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH [working from home] and things have become unbearable."
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Another poster said: "He screams if I clean the bathroom because apparently I am doing it wrong, and heaven forbid if I try to polish anything."
Becky, who described Parrish as "so controlling he even made me dye my hair", said she believed the women who were being abused were in a terrible situation.
"Lockdown good idea to stop the virus spreading, however for people stuck in an abusive household it is not ideal," she said, suggesting they were stuck between a rock - their homes - and a hard place - the virus.
She told how, after years of abuse, in April 2017 she went to the police station and reported Parrish for raping her. He was arrested and remanded for six months, attending trial in October that year.
He was found guilty of three counts of rape following a trial.
She’s delighted he is no longer in her life – but lives with the aftermath of his abuse although is "slowly recovering".
She met Parrish in 2010 through friends and was initially charmed by his easy-going character.
He was battling a type of cancer, non-Hodgkin lymphoma, and she felt sorry for him.
In the early days – a result of his treatment – he was calm.
In June 2011 the couple were delighted when he went into remission. But, around a year later, their relationship took a dark turn when Parrish’s personality changed.
He started going out all the time, took over control of the family’s finance and ultimately began physically and sexually abusing her.
"Rape and abuse became the norm - if I rolled my eyes or looked like I had a bit of attitude he would force me to give him oral sex.
“I would be verbally and physically abused every day.
"The last three weeks of our relationship, he would demand that I gave him oral every single day."
"He would do it to me if I hadn't done the washing up, if I had spoken to him funny or if I rolled my eyes at him. I would sob and I would tell him I didn't want to.
“I cried during it - after he would say 'good girl'."
She added: "If I came in the room and didn't do something right he would tell me to go out and come in again."
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