I was a virgin until 30 after rare condition made sex impossible – I’d deliberately date men I didn’t fancy

A woman has spoken of the devastating condition which prevented her from having sex until she was 30.

Petek Tatli, 38, lived with vaginismus for 15 years.

The condition causes the vaginal muscles to suddenly tighten when any penetration is attempted and can be painful and distressing.

Petek admits that in the past, she chose partners she did not feel strongly attracted to – so that she could avoid the condition for as long as possible.

She says: “When I look back, I just didn't want to be a woman. I didn't want to feel my sexuality, I didn't want any man into my life who I was sexually attracted to.

“My vaginismus was pretty extreme. I was not even able to finish reading the word vaginismus or even look at the examination seat in clinics because I would end up bent double, feeling extreme contractions, not only in the muscles around my vagina but throughout my entire body.”

Her condition improved dramatically following her decision to train as a yoga instructor.

Soon after turning 30, she had penetrative sex for the first time and is now happily in a long-term relationship with her partner, Johanne, 37.

She has set up a support group helping women with the condition, both in the UK and all around the world.

Petek, who lives in Istanbul, Turkey, says: “I am telling my story to reach out to all those women with vaginismus, to break down the taboos and the barriers.

I just didn't want to be a woman. I didn't want to feel my sexuality.

Petek Tatli, 38

“I believe every woman living with this challenging condition can overcome it, just as I did.”

Petek first became aware of the condition in her late teens and though she had two long term partners, she could not have penetrative sex.

She says: “Neither of them made a big deal out of it, we had intimacy and they accepted it. But I didn’t feel a strong physical attraction to these men; it was as though I was trying to side-step the issue.

“But as time went on, I felt very lonely.

“I couldn’t even read about vaginismus without experiencing strong contractions right through my body.

“My doctors kept telling me it was all going to be alright, but what I needed most was support. I confided in my mum and best friend, but I needed to hear it from women who had recovered from it themselves.

“I was struggling with my thought processes too; I was a highly judgemental person and beat myself up a lot, feeling constantly like a failure, like I was not enough, I was broken. I felt like I was not even a woman.

“I was constantly getting depressed.”

I was broken. I felt like I was not even a woman.

Petek Tatli, 38

The turning point came in 2009 when she started yoga and meditation.

She says: “When I began training to be a yoga instructor, I started to get to know myself more for what felt like the first time. I began a new relationship with my body, becoming much more aware of my thought patterns, especially as I practiced meditation more.

“So my perspective of vaginismus started to change gradually as well.

“I realised that I didn’t have to live with the condition.”

Aged 30, she found the confidence to visit a clinic specialising in vaginismus therapy and she also saw a psychotherapist.

She says: “After a while, I found I could insert a large dilator. The realisation that I was making progress was empowering.

“I decided to travel and get out of my comfort zone for a bit.”

Petek attended a series of retreats and met a new partner. And at their first attempt, they had full penetrative sex.

She says: “My first penetrative sex was unbelievable, after all those years I had been in fear. I literally felt no pain at all.

“Emotionally, however, it was a whole other story and I couldn’t stop crying during penetration, but they were tears of joy. It was probably a bit awkward for my partner!

“It was like a weight off my shoulders.

“Suddenly vaginismus became my past after all those years and it is now, ironically, my strength.”

Petek now works as a yoga and mindfulness instructor alongside her career as an engineer in the manufacturing industry. She also supports other women to help overcome their vaginismus.

Earlier this week we spoke to radio presenter Verity Geere who gave up on men after 10 years of online dating, to then find her Mr Right.

We also spoke to a woman who ended up with a stoma after giving birth to her first child, but it hasn't held her back.