Three friends who all split from their husbands within two years as ‘domino divorce’ affect takes hold
A STUDY has revealed a “domino divorce effect” which could help explain why 42 per cent of UK marriages hit the skids.
If a pal goes through a , you are 75 per cent more likely to do so too, say US researchers. This is because a pal’s break-up makes people examine and reflect on their own marital issues. JENNY FRANCIS meets three friends who all split up within two years of each other.
Divorce 1
Alice, 34, split in 2013
MARKETING consultant Alice Judge-Talbot was married for four years before she filed for divorce. Alice, who lives with Elfie, nine, and seven-year-old Huxley, in Barnes, South West London, never imagined the impact her divorce would have on her friends. She says:
'I MET my ex-husband in a bar when I was 18. We were young but fell in love instantly. A year on, he proposed. We got married in 2009, had our first child the following year and our second two years later.
After we married, we moved from Nottingham to the town of Olney, 80 miles away in Northants. At first it was hard being in an area without mates. I called a local personal trainer, called Kaisa, to get into shape and we became friends.
She became my closest friend and introduced me to her friend Kaeli a few months after we met. They were both happily married with children so we had a lot in common. We would text daily and get together for drinks on a Friday night to talk about our week.
Around this time, I started having doubts about my marriage. My husband and I had both changed in our twenties. I had spent a few weeks working in New York and the freedom had been liberating. It helped me focus on the fact our marriage wasn’t working.
It took courage but in 2013 we decided the only option was divorce. We’d grown apart and had tried everything to keep it alive.
I feared that as a single mum I wouldn’t fit in with Kaisa and Kaeli, but they were instantly supportive. All my opening up to them, post- divorce, soon saw them opening up way more about their marriages too.
I talked to them about the whole divorce process, from the cost of lawyers to childcare arrangements. One night, three months after my separation, Kaisa told us she and her husband were getting divorced.
She said she felt she could open up because I had already been through it. We talked about the ups and downs of divorce and, despite the sadness surrounding it, we could also have a laugh about certain bits of it together.
It was two years later that Kaeli revealed she was splitting from her husband of 13 years. Again I was shocked but totally supportive. She said seeing how much happier Kaisa and I were had made her realise divorce doesn’t have to mean failure.
We are empowered by our break-ups and that’s an amazing thing say.'
Divorce 2
Kaisa, 40, split in 2013
KAISA LARKAS, a personal trainer from Olney, Northants, is mum to Venla, 12, Veiko, ten, and nine-year-old Alvan and believes Alice gave her the courage to split. The 40-year-old says:
'I MET my now ex-husband Phil 19 years ago, as we both lived in the same block of flats. We started dating within a few weeks and fell in love.
In 2007, we welcomed our first child, then we got married two years later in August 2009. Marriage was the next step as it was important for me to have a family unit – and I never thought we’d ever get divorced. But over the years, marriage created pressures.
People change and grow, and work stress takes its toll. I was struggling to be happy in my marriage, although divorce never seemed like an option. I had such great friends in Alice and Kaeli and would moan about certain things in my marriage, but I never hinted at splitting.
When Alice told us she was getting divorced, my first reaction was shock. I knew she had issues but never imagined divorce. She was so open about it and shared the experience.
Seeing how people reacted positively to her, and realising her strength, I felt inspired to address our problems.
I sat my husband down in 2013 and we talked things through for a while but the more we did, the more I felt divorce was the right thing – and it was mutual and caring.
Alice and Kaeli were amazing. I felt so relieved. Alice’s decision to divorce didn’t make me divorce but seeing how she coped prepared me for what I would go on to experience. It wasn’t a nasty split but we had grown apart and we vowed to remain friends.
When Kaeli told us two years later that she was also divorcing, I totally knew how she felt – and how she had found strength to do this.'
Divorce 3
Kaeli, 44, split in 2015
KAELI BURBIDGE, a marketing consultant from Olney, Northants, believes her divorce was much easier after her best friends had been through it too. The mum to daughters Georgia, 15, and 11-year-old Claudia says:
'I HAD a big white wedding in 2002 when I married Tom. He’s now 45 and an IT consultant. I was 27 at the time and we’d been together for two years. I was convinced I’d be married for life.
I’d heard some of my friends label mates failures because of marriage breakdowns and I didn’t want to be shunned from social events because I was a “divorcee”.
Being friends with Kaisa and Alice was a breath of fresh air. We were there for each other to babysit or help on the school run. Alice is the youngest, so when she announced her divorce I was surprised. She was so open and brave about it and wasn’t scared to share the ups and downs.
When Kaisa split from her husband I was empowered by her strength. While I was trying to hold my marriage together, my two friends were filing paperwork and getting on with living their new single lives.
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None of us wanted to become divorce statistics and I didn’t want to find myself 40 and single, but seeing my two friends navigate divorce was the push I needed to examine my marriage.
My husband and I had grown apart. Raising children, work and the fact people change had all taken their toll. I had desperately wanted it to work but I realised it was over – and knew there was life after divorce for my friends.
I called time on my marriage in 2015 and know that without my friends getting divorced it would have been so much harder. Now my children are happier, my ex has a partner and I’m single and embracing life in my forties.'
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