Partner is too fat to make love to me, so I am having sex with a young, fit man instead

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner is so fat he can’t make love to me, so I am having fulfilling sex with a young, fit, slim lover.

I am 40, my partner is 38 and we have been together since we started working for the same large charity organisation three years ago.

3

He is a lovely man in many ways, but he’s put on so much weight since we got together his manhood is now hidden away under his enormous belly.

There is no question of him having proper intercourse.

I tried suggesting he lose some weight but nothing happened.

He eats himself silly. Even if I buy healthy food, he buys fattening stuff for himself and fills up on that when I’m not around.

3

I met my lover quite by chance on a birthday night out with some friends. We went to a pub for drinks before having a meal.

I was sitting on the end of a bench seat which was rather close to the one next to it.

My handbag kept falling on the floor and this guy picked it up for me. The gang I was with was getting noisier and he asked me what the celebration was for.

As we got talking, we discovered we had a lot in common. He lives next door to my younger brother and they went to the same school. He’s 29.

We got on amazingly well. When it was time for us to go on to the restaurant he said that we really should meet up again to chat and suggested the next evening. To my surprise, I heard myself saying that would be great.

3

We met a few more times before he told me he thinks I am amazingly attractive and wished I was not already spoken for.

I was starting to wish it, too. He’s really fit as he goes to the gym for an hour before work every day.

He walked me home and came in for a drink. My partner was away on a training course and a drink led to us moving upstairs.

We ended up having wonderful sex and have been doing so regularly ever since. Now I’m wondering whether to swap my partner for my young lover.

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DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds to be the obvious answer but it may not be that simple. Has your younger lover made a suggestion along those lines? If not it could well be he sees this as a delicious fling but nothing more.

So that’s something to get clear. Even if he’s not ready to commit, you shouldn’t let your relationship with your partner drift on like this. He can’t be any happier than you are.

Ask him what he believes lies behind him piling on so much weight.There will be underlying emotional issues that need tackling. Say how worried you are about the effects on his health as well as your relationship. My e-leaflet End Weight Worries should help.

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