I lost my son in a drowning accident and now I see no reason to continue living

DEAR DEIDRE: LAST year, I lost my son in a drowning accident. I am desperate to find a reason to keep on living. I was the one who had to identify him. He was 19. I have a daughter of 12 but there is not the bond I had with my boy. He gave me a reason to live.

I am 40. The relationship between my son’s dad and me didn’t work out. My parents are both dead – my dad only recently – and I feel I have no one. I have a partner, my daughter’s dad, but he works long hours and doesn’t understand how I felt about my son.

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I hate having anything to do with my daughter’s school because I feel I am being stared at. It was in the local papers so it all feels very public.

I can’t talk to other members of my family because they are grieving, too, but they seem normal compared to me.

My head is a scary place. I start the day with tears and I end it with tears. I barely sleep.

I constantly have flashbacks and tremors. All I long for is to be with my son but I have to go on somehow for the sake of my daughter.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I feel for you. Bereaved parents often feel that no one understands the very special pain of their loss so please do talk to The Compassionate Friends, an organisation of and for bereaved parents (, 0345 123 2304).

You must have had time when there was just you and your son so you felt especially close.

But please do make the effort to get closer to your daughter – who needs you so much now that she has lost her brother.

The Compassionate Friends can advise on how best to support her and that will help you, too.

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