DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover likes adventurous sex and we got involved in swinging and threesomes. Now he’s lost his job because of it and doesn’t want to see me.
I am 29 and have been married for three years. We’ve no children, mainly because my husband works away a lot and I would have felt like a single parent. We’ve drifted apart and our sex life has pretty well dried up.
I work in a big packaging company and was put into a team under a different manager at the beginning of last year. He’s 46 and married with a couple of kids. The attraction was instant and very strong on both sides.
We had a few drinks together after work and the second time booked into a hotel together. The passion was electric. He told me he was into threesomes and swinging, and I was open to experimenting. We started involving colleagues in our sex life, mostly younger ones.
We would usually book a hotel room and lay on plenty to drink. Sometimes we paired off by playing card games so you never knew in advance who you might be going to have sex with. It was all very exciting at first but then a girl got upset and it all came out. My lover was seen as being responsible as he was the manager and was dismissed.
My lover’s wife was furious about it all, threw him out and is determined to get a divorce so it looks as though he is going to lose everything. He says he cannot cope with seeing me at the moment, even though he loves me, because I remind him of all he has lost.
He says he wants me to wait for him though, and is frightened I will find someone else.
The truth is that I am hurting and anxious, too. I kept my job but my colleagues see it as all being my fault too and I feel very isolated. I have to try not to let it show with my lover because it makes him feel worse.
We were going to leave our partners and set up home together but it looks as though those dreams are in ruins.
Topic of the day
A THIRD of adults in the UK drink enough alcohol to risk serious health issues and damage relationships.
Help on cutting down or quitting and sources of support are explained in my e-leaflet Drink Problem?
For a copy email [email protected] or message me on Facebook.
Popular Dear Deidre problems
DEIDRE SAYS: My instinct is that you always will remind your lover of bad times. And given how gutted he is now, to be honest I doubt he ever did seriously plan to leave his wife.
Your focus now should be on your marriage. If you and your husband are both miserable, you may decide you would be better off apart.
If you still love one another, then overhaul your relationship and your sex life together. My e-leaflets Relationship MOT and Saving Your Sex Life should help. The first thing to do is talk to your husband. Could he change jobs to one that involves less working away – always a strain on a relationship?
If you find it hard to come to any kind of firm decision about the future, suggest you seek counselling together. See
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