My daughter says her son, 9, is abusive but I fear he’s being ignored

DEAR DEIDRE: MY grandson is only nine but according to his mum, he trashes his room and is becoming verbally abusive.

He has been causing problems at home for the past two years but it is getting worse.

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I’m his grandmother, aged 62. He lives with my daughter and her partner, who has an older child from a previous relationship.

There is also a toddler – a little girl who is the result of a fling my daughter had when they were briefly apart.

When my daughter comes to our house moaning about her son, I don’t know what to say.

We feel it is attention-seeking, as he is absolutely fine when he is with us.

Nobody seems to have time for him at home.

Now Christmas is coming up, they are saying they won’t buy him any presents. Do we do the same?

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DEIDRE SAYS: No wonder your grandson is acting up with all the upheaval at home.

Your home must seem like a sanctuary to him.

Say you are worried and point out that he has a lot of stress in his young life, but don’t criticise your daughter or she may cut off all contact with your grandson, who needs you especially now.

Say that punishing him at Christmas is likely to make things worse and treat him yourself as you would normally.

You can find ongoing support on how to handle this through Family Lives (, 0808 800 2222).

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