DEAR DEIDRE
I slept with my fiancé’s little brother 10 years ago and he has never forgiven me
DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiance’s little brother came round to help me with some DIY and we ended up having sex.
It was ten years ago but my fiance has never forgiven me.
3
I had known both guys for a few years, as they are friends with my older brother. I had always fancied the older one, who is now my partner.
I had been out with him a few times at that stage but we were not seriously together.
He is now 31, I’m 29 and his brother is 30.
Back then, I had just moved into a shared flat and wanted to decorate my bedroom. My brother’s mate — and fiance’s younger sibling — was good at DIY and he offered to help.
3
He came round one night a few days later and we spent the whole evening working on the room. I asked what he would charge and he refused to take anything, so I opened some cans of beer while we were working.
It got to 11pm and I told him I was too tired to carry on. We had a few more drinks and he gave me a hug. Next thing I knew we were in bed together.
The sex was great but we agreed it should not happen again. It turned out he felt so guilty he confessed to his brother.
My now partner was upset but we did get together properly and now have daughters aged seven and six, but he keeps bringing up the past. He calls me a whore and a prostitute.
3
He has always used cocaine occasionally but now he is addicted and he says it is because it helps him forget what I did. I work full-time to support our family but he refuses to find a job and drinks every night.
We are supposed to be getting married next year but I am not sure where we go from here.
I know I made a terrible mistake all those years ago but I keep asking myself whether I am wasting my time on this relationship.
topic4today
READERS often write about threesome fantasies. Can you safely involve a third party in your sex life? By not having one are you missing out? My leaflet Thinking Of A Threesome will help. Email me at the address below or private message my Facebook page.
Email me at [email protected] or private message me via my Facebook page for a copy.
DEIDRE SAYS: Please don’t go ahead with the wedding unless and until he has overcome his addictions and made a serious effort to find work.
He was naturally upset at the time you had sex with his brother but your relationship was very new then and he freely chose to get together with you.
He is just using that one-off mistake now as an excuse for his addictive and abusive behaviour.
Popular Dear Deidre problems
Tell him that he must stop blaming you and accept responsibility for his addictions, otherwise your relationship is over.
Suggest he contact Addaction for support (). They can help you, too. If he doesn’t change, separate from him, for your and your children’s sakes.
My e-leaflet Abusive Partner? explains where you can find help if need be.
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