My fiance jilted me just before our wedding for sick reason – and now I’m plotting revenge

DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiance jilted me a month before our wedding because he said he wasn’t ready to commit.

The truth was, he’d met someone else.

Even worse, his family and best friends knew before I did. I still can’t get over it and want to hurt him.

I’m 29 and he’s 28. We were engaged for a year. When he proposed, he said I was the love of his life.

I was so excited to become his wife. Everything was planned – the venue, the cake, the music, my dress and all the bridesmaids’ dresses.

Then, one evening, out of the blue, he told me he couldn’t go through with it. He said he was panicking and didn’t want to hurt me.

At first, I thought I was lucky he hadn’t left me at the actual altar. I even tried to understand and be sympathetic.

But when I said we could postpone the wedding, he said he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready.

Then his sister told me she hated that everyone was lying to me. He’d met another woman on a dating site – he’d signed up while we were engaged.

He was too much of a coward to tell me himself.

I threw him out three months ago, but I am still so hurt, humiliated and angry.

My parents have lost a lot of money, which they’re trying to get back from him. But I feel he’s got away with ruining my life and now I want revenge.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your desire to make him pay is very understandable, but it won’t make you feel any better.

I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you’ve had a lucky escape.
In time, with help, you will get over this. And living a happy life without him will be the sweetest revenge, I promise.

Lean on your family and friends and, if necessary, talk to a counsellor.

My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help, too.

Found her sexts from Aussie ex

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE I found out that my wife went for dinner with her ex and exchanged intimate texts with him, I’ve lost all trust in her.

Now she wants to fix our marriage, but I’m not sure it’s possible.

I feel so deeply betrayed.

We’ve been married for eight years. I’m 39 and she’s 37.

Last summer, she went to visit her family in Australia, where she grew up. I couldn’t get the time off work, so she went alone.

I knew she’d be meeting up with some old friends, but I had no idea she planned to see her ex, too.

They were together for five years before she moved to the UK, so it was serious, and I know he was heartbroken when she ended it.

Everything seemed normal while she was away — we spoke every day.

But one evening, a few weeks later, while she was in the bathroom, a text flashed up on her screen.

It was from her ex, and it was sexual in nature. I felt sick. When she came back downstairs, I confronted her about it.

She admitted they had gone out for dinner to catch up, but promised nothing else had happened.

The reason she hadn’t mentioned it was because she didn’t want to upset me. She promised she’d told him she was happily married.

However, he seemed keen again and was now sending inappropriate messages, all of which she ignored.

She even showed me previous ones with no response from her.

I’ve tried to forgive her and move on, but I can’t. I don’t believe he’d sext her if nothing had happened.

How can I get over this and trust her again?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife was wrong not to tell you about her dinner, and naive to go in the first place.

She was also wrong, and perhaps foolish, not to tell you about the sexts from her ex. Perhaps she thought she could handle it and that they would stop.

It’s possible she’s lying but if so, why ignore all his messages?

If you love her, then you need to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Rebuilding trust will take time. Read my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, together.

Keep talking and telling her how you feel. Ask her questions if you need to.

If it doesn’t improve, couple’s counselling may help. You can arrange this through .

WIFE WON'T ADMIT SHE'S A RAGING ALCOHOLIC

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time my wife goes to the supermarket alone, she buys alcohol and then hides it.

She’s in denial about having a drink problem, but it’s ruining our relationship.

We’ve been married for 12 years but don’t have children. I’m 40 and she’s 38.

She’s always liked a drink, but over the past few years it has got out of control.

Once she starts drinking, she can’t stop. A bottle of wine with dinner turns into two – and I’ll only have one glass.

I know she drinks when she’s alone too. I’m pretty sure she lost her last job because she was drinking during the day.

When she’s drunk, her normally sweet personality changes. She becomes angry and nasty, and says horrible things.

I can’t bear to be around her then.

I’ve tried talking to her about this, but she says I’m blowing things out of proportion. She won’t admit to being an alcoholic.

I love her, but can’t cope much more and I worry about her health.

DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly, until she admits she has a problem, you can’t stop her drinking or make her seek help. Keep talking to her. Perhaps if she understands how desperate you are, she will start to take note.

People usually drink to fill an emptiness in their lives. Try to get her to open up.

My pack, Dealing With A Problem Drinker can help you.
You need support too.

Contactfor families of drinkers.