I’ve caught my boyfriend TWICE in gay chat rooms & watching gay porn – is this normal behaviour for a straight man?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend is the most masculine of men, but he’s constantly in gay chat rooms or watching gay pornography.

I know he’s still watching it because I’ve caught him twice and, when he’s slammed down his laptop lid, I’ve demanded he show me the browser history.

He promised me he’d stop and agreed I could look at his phone to prove it, but I found a secret file and there was footage of the most explicit male sex I’ve ever seen.

We are both 30 and have been together for two years.

He’s a labourer and keeps himself in top shape, but he always says it’s all for me and nobody else.

His interest in men on these sites isn’t normal behaviour for a straight man, is it?

DEIDRE SAYS: No, but our sexuality is on a sliding scale.

You don’t give any detail on your sex life, but if that is good perhaps the pornography satisfies that side of his sexual identity.

However, the fact he is going on gay chat rooms suggests that he’s looking to interact with others, and this understandably will feel more like cheating.

Find a moment to tell him you have something important to discuss, and tell him what you found.

If he wants to quit the pornography, he can find support through .You can work on your relationship through the College of Sexual & Relationship Therapists ().

Sneaky Dad’s secret family

DEAR DEIDRE: THROUGHOUT my childhood, Dad called me his “special son” but I’ve found out I’m not that special and I’m not his only child. I have a half brother and sister.

I’m 22 and know that Dad was married before. He always told Mum and I that he didn’t want to get married again, which Mum seemed to accept.

He works away Monday to Friday, selling farm equipment, so we see him only at weekends. Mum has a job in a library and I’m back at home, having finished at uni.

My grandfather died three weeks ago. He was in hospital and, when I visited him in his last few days, he dropped the bombshell that Dad was still married to his wife and spent time with her and their son and daughter.

He said that I deserved to know and he’d told my dad for years that he should “come clean about his double life”, particularly for my mum’s sake. Everything now slots into place.

He’d always tell us that he was staying in B&Bs and I never went with him to work, even during the holidays. We never questioned it.

Last weekend, Mum went off with her sister to go and see a show so I took the chance to tell Dad what Grandad said.

Dad cried, and said he was sorry for betraying us and that he was glad that the truth was out.

I’ve always wanted a brother. Apparently, he is 24 and my half sister is 26. I’d love to meet them.

It’s all a bit much to take in and for him to tell Mum, straight after Grandad’s funeral. Should I be the one to tell Mum instead?

DEIDRE SAYS: No. This is your dad’s issue. But you can insist that he talks to your mother. Family secrets have a habit of coming out.

If she didn’t know about his double life and you tell her, she may feel ashamed that she didn’t read the signs.

If she suspects that your father is having an affair, by telling her it’s true you’ll take away her coping strategy then she’ll have to do something about it.

Nobody knows what goes on in a relationship, apart from those in it.

This has changed your family dynamics so find some free support through (0808 808 4994) via their confidential helpline, email or webchat, available to people under 25.

HUBBY GOT THAI FLING PREGNANT

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband lied to a Thai woman, making out he was the big “I am”. It was obviously a ploy to get her into bed and now she’s pregnant.

I’m his wife and I’m 45. He’s 43. We’ve been married for seven years. I feel betrayed and heartbroken but what has upset me the most is the fact my husband said he didn’t want kids with me.

He’s divorced, with teenage children.

This woman got in touch with him via Facebook to tell him she was pregnant, and she copied me in on the message. He couldn’t deny it.

I was so annoyed at her cheek, that I replied on Facebook. She told me they had met on holiday and my husband had said he is a property owner here and single.

The facts are that he’s a married man, with just a small share in our tiny flat.

His Thai woman said she wasn’t interested in him because he has lied to her.

She wants the baby, though. She’s 28 and single but wants my husband to send money.

I’m now fuming. I don’t know how my husband is ever going to wriggle out of this one. Are there rules about child maintenance in Thailand?

DEIDRE SAYS: He is not obliged to pay maintenance under Thai family law, but if the child is proven to be his he should support them financially and preferably emotionally too.

All this isn’t the child’s fault, after all.

It’s such a mess. It might be wise to wait until the child is born then insist on a DNA test to prove paternity. If the baby is his, you can decide what to do and whether you can still have a future together.

My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It? gives you a basis to discuss next steps.

Whatever the outcome, your marriage is no longer what it was, so seek emotional support through .