I think I am addicted to no-strings sex – I’ve slept with 22 guys in the last two months

DEAR DEIDRE: I THINK I am addicted to sex. I know it is risky, but I have had sex with 22 guys in the last two months.

As a 27-year-old woman, I’m still living with my parents and they have no clue about what I am doing.

My craving for sex started about three years ago when a friend of a friend messaged me through Instagram.

He was a 34-year-old married man who just wanted some no- strings-attached sex.

I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing but I met him in a bar one night and we had sex in his car.

It felt so exciting and naughty at the same time.

He told me that he didn’t want a regular arrangement but by then I was hooked so I made some new dating profiles and even one on a hook-up site.

I made it clear that I was only “looking for some fun” and, before I knew it, I had guys lining up to meet me. I’d arrange to see men in bars, parks and even in a graveyard near my home once.

We had sex in the bushes.

I went to meet a guy at the weekend but when I walked in he was there with three of his mates.

I had sex with them all but then the realisation of what I had done hit me the next day. I had taken a huge risk. I felt used, cheap and disgusted with myself.

I can’t talk to anyone about it. Nobody would understand.

My friends can’t work out why I don’t have a boyfriend but I am more interested in sex than a serious relationship.

And I worry that being with one man might not be enough for me.

DEIDRE SAYS: Sleeping around feels as if it proves you are worthy of attention, but you’re mistaking sex for love and putting yourself at risk.

You lack self-esteem and these men see you as you see yourself – someone with nothing to offer, but some quick sex on a plate.

You’re left with nothing but feelings of self-loathing.

You can stop the one-night stands by changing the behaviour that leads up to them – switch from surfing the net and meeting strangers, to going out with friends and getting involved in other interests that will really help you to break this cycle.

My support pack Addicted To Sex will help.

And please get a check-up at your local sexual health clinic, too ().

HOW CAN I GO FOR LONGER IN BED?

DEAR DEIDRE: SEX is over as soon as my girlfriend touches me. I can’t even last a minute.

I am 27 and my girlfriend is 25. We have been together for six months.

There are times when I worry so much about it that I can’t get an erection either.

Sex with my girlfriend should be adventurous – and longer than 60 seconds.

Why is this happening to me? It isn’t the first time and I’ve run into the same problems with exes.

My girlfriend is very understanding. She says it doesn’t matter, but I know she is becoming frustrated because I am finished even before penetration.

I need to sort this out because I want us both to enjoy sex, not for it to be over before it’s begun.

Is there any cure for this?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m pleased to say that there is.

It is a common problem and generally it’s caused by excitement and nerves.

Reaching orgasm too quickly – or premature ejaculation – is common, especially in young men.

It’s a psychological issue, rather than a physical one but annoyingly the more you worry about it, the more it is likely to happen.

Talk to your girlfriend about taking the focus off intercourse for now.

Once you can stop worrying about your performance things will improve.

There are techniques that can help and my support pack Want To Last Longer explains.

JOB WILL TAKE ME AWAY FROM WIFE

DEAR DEIDRE: THE only job I have been offered after being made redundant and applying for multiple roles would mean working more than 150 miles away from my new wife and home.

I am 31 and my wife is 29.

We have been married for just six months and have been busy doing up our new home.

I was working for a great company but sadly they couldn’t keep me on and I was made redundant.

The redundancy money has kept me going for a few months but it is quickly running out.

After several fruitless job applications and interviews, I was beginning to worry.

Then out of the blue I was offered something last week, doing a job which I could do in my sleep.

The money is OK and it is a good company to work for, even if the work is a bit dull.

The downside is that it would mean being away from my wife, family and friends.

I don’t want to move just because of work but we have a mortgage and bills to pay.

My redundancy pay is almost gone.

I am feeling really trapped at the moment and will have no choice but to take this job, unless I can come up with something else soon.

DEIDRE SAYS: If this job is your only option, my instinct would be to take it.

It may only be a temporary solution for you.

Many people have to work away from their loved ones but you can still keep applying for other work.

If it is a good company then you may be promoted quickly.

As a valued employee there may be scope for you to work from home some of the time, which would ease the pressure of being away.

It may be better than having a big gap in your CV, or not being able to pay the mortgage.

My pack Help For Job Hunters can advise too.