I’ve been having sex with my cousin’s daughter – but I’m scared about our family finding out

DEAR DEIDRE: MY cousin’s daughter kissed me on the lips a couple of times, now we are having full-blown sex every time she comes to my house.

I work from home. I’m a single man of 40 and my spaniel is a real pain if she doesn’t get her morning walk.

I start work very early and if my dog isn’t exercised, my team Zoom calls are constantly interrupted.

My cousin is my best friend. He’s 45 and we spent a lot of time together when we were children.

His daughter is 25 and she has a thriving business, walking dogs in our town, so I asked her to come over each morning.

She’s pretty, great with my dog and she’s reliable.

The conversation between us started to become a little flirty as time went on.

On my birthday, she arrived with a cake and when I went to give her a hug to thank her, she planted a smacker on the lips.

It felt very arousing, although part of me knew it was wrong. I hadn’t been kissed in a long time.

The following morning she walked in and kissed me again, full-on this time, and I found myself responding to her passionately.

By the end of that week we were having sex at my house every day after the dog walk.

I keep saying to her that we should stop, but she simply says: “No way, you’re too good in bed.”

In truth, I love it too. But if the family finds out, they will not accept it. How long can we keep our relationship a secret?

DEIDRE SAYS: There is no law against you having a relationship with your cousin’s daughter, but just be aware of your very different life stages.

Be mindful that your feelings may be very intense, especially while you are in the throes of the honeymoon period, but cracks could begin to show because of your age difference.

You’re looking forward to seeing her every day and the clandestine sex adds to the thrill, but this isn’t real life.

Find some time to talk to her about where she sees all of this going and what her thoughts are about any future together.

You will then be able to decide if it’s appropriate to talk to your family.

My support pack, Age-Gaps – Do They Matter? explains some of the issues you may need to consider.

SHUNNED BY MY MUM WHO SAID I WAS A DADDY’S GIRL

DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS always a daddy’s girl, but since my father has passed away, I feel like I have nobody.

My mum once said to me that she wished she could send me back. I was ten at the time and I’ve never forgotten it.

I’m 39 now. I have two brothers who are 42 and 46. My mother adores them.

I love them too and I tell them so, but I feel as if I’m the forgotten one.

I went to the cemetery last week on my dad’s birthday and was stunned to find my mother and both of my brothers already there.

They hadn’t invited me.

They never invite me to anything or say they want to see me. My mother has always said I was jealous of my brothers and perhaps I am. They have always got all the attention from Mum.

I feel so alone.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry. You’re living on a rollercoaster of emotions having lost the one person you could rely on to love you, your father, while trying to cope with rejection from your other family members.

You’ve never truly felt love from your mother and those feelings of neglect can be far-reaching.

It would be interesting to know what her relationship with your maternal grandmother was like. You may find it is similar to yours.

It would help you to talk with an impartial counsellor who can support you.

Contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300) for help.

SCHEMING EX TOOK MY HOME

DEAR DEIDRE: MY estranged wife used me as her meal ticket to stay in the UK. She’s manipulated me and she made me leave the house I’ve paid for. Now I’m broke.

We were together for six years and we had a baby through a surrogate. My mother is looking after him. He’s three years old and he is my world.

My ex is 35 and she is from Thailand. She runs a nailbar and I don’t see any of the money she earns.

She sends it all back to her family. She isn’t interested in our child at all.

She insisted we buy a new house and within six weeks of moving in, she’d told me she wanted a divorce.

When I refused, she went to the police accusing me of physically hurting her so I had to move out. Not a word of it was true.

I wasn’t allowed to look after my son and my ex-wife didn’t want to have him so my mum has him 24/7. I’m now staying in a bedsit.

I’m 38 and I owe more than £50,000 on credit cards and on my overdraft due to the move and solicitors’ fees.

It shouldn’t be like this. I can’t afford a lawyer but I need to get back into the house I’m paying for.

DEIDRE SAYS: It all sounds such a mess and I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. Your marriage might be over but it doesn’t mean that you can’t still be a good dad.

Get some emotional support in how best to arrange contact with your son while all of this is going on through Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363).

You can’t dwell on what has happened between you and your ex but it is important to decide what your future will look like.

If you are going to continue towards separation, my support packs called Thinking Of Divorce and Solving Debt Problems will show you where to find help.