My sex drive is high so I sleep with other men but now my man wants the same
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of being unsatisfied with our sex life, my husband gave me the green light to sleep with other men.
My sex drive had always been higher, so it meant I could get what I wanted whilst still being transparent in our relationship.
Yet, now he’s admitted he wants to sleep with other people too, and I can’t help but feel disrespected.
I’m 48, my husband is 52, and we’ve been together for nearly 20 years.
Our relationship is amazing, and we’re still very much in love, but one thing that has always bothered me is our lack of sexual passion.
I tried for years to make peace with it, and despite how much I love him, I constantly found myself falling into bed with other men.
I’ve had a string of affairs over the course of our relationship, and every time my husband found out one way or another.
Each discovery devastated him, but after a while he grew to understand that it had everything to do with my sexual needs and nothing to do with my love for him.
We eventually came to the agreement that I could be non-monogamous so long as I was open and honest with him.
This has worked a charm for us, and we’ve been stronger than ever.
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That was until he came to me asking if he could explore with other women too, which left me feeling hurt.
How is this fair when my sex drive is so much higher? I feel like I’m not enough for him.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re upset with your husband wanting to explore things with other people, but it’s likely his desires are rooted in seeing you do the same thing.
For any open relationship to work, you both need to be secure in your relationship, be excellent communicators, and be able to completely trust each other.
It would be best to discuss things carefully with your husband and figure out what to do going forward.
While you shouldn’t agree to him seeing other women if it makes you uncomfortable, you also need to consider if it’s fair for you to continue sleeping with other men too.
If you can't agree on this, you may need to talk it through with a counsellor, who can guide you. You can contact Tavistock Relationships ().
My support pack on non-monogamy will also help.
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