My husband walked out on me three days before Christmas – I’m shellshocked

DEAR DEIDRE: LAST Christmas, my husband walked out on me while I was at the supermarket buying the turkey.

I came home to find he’d taken all his clothes and gone. Of course, I later discovered there’s another woman. 

I’m 47 and he’s 49. We were married for 20 years and have two teenage kids.

Our marriage was a good one. We rarely argued, still had sex and often laughed together. 

But over summer 2023, he started withdrawing, not wanting sex and barely wanting to talk. 

When I tried speaking to him about it, saying I felt neglected, he got upset and said he hated himself for acting the way he did. 

But he couldn’t explain it, and his behaviour didn’t change. Eventually, in November last year, he moved into the spare room.

I carried on as normal, preparing for Christmas, hoping we’d be able to work things out. 

He even helped me put up the tree and the decorations.

But he was secretly planning to leave the whole time.

And when I arrived home with all our food - just three days before Christmas - he’d gone. 

I spent Christmas in a daze, going through the motions with the kids, but then crying in my bedroom whenever I was alone.

On New Year’s Eve he sent a text saying we should meet to talk and that he wanted to see the kids.

I let him come home but he said we were over. Then he told me he’d met a woman online.

He claimed nothing physical had happened but she’d made him realise how unhappy he was.

We’re now officially separated and before ghosting me he asked for a divorce. 

I’m still shellshocked and doing the food shop triggers me. 

I don’t know how I’ll get through 2025.

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DEIDRE SAYS: It is early days. The sudden and shocking end of your marriage was like a bereavement - except your husband is still alive.

Leaving you just before Christmas was cruel, but perhaps he couldn’t face going through the motions. 

It sounds like he had some sort of mid-life crisis. Unfortunately, if he won’t talk to you, you won’t be able to get any insight or closure from him.

Counselling would really help you to work through your feelings. See my support pack How Counselling Can and Mend Your Broken Heart.

Try to organise events, weekends away with friends, a holiday you’d always wanted over the next year so that you have things to look forward to.