Dating young widower was going well until we had sex – and now he’s very distant

DEAR DEIDRE: DATING a young widower was going so well – until we had sex.

Since then, he’s been very distant, and now I feel used and confused.

The problem is I’ve fallen for him and worry he’s not ready for anything serious.

I’m 40 and divorced, he’s 46. His wife died a year ago.

We met online and have been dating for four months.

At first, everything was going brilliantly. We have a lot in common and had brilliant conversations by message and on the phone.

He said he wanted to take things slowly, and that he wasn’t ready to tell everyone about our relationship. I was happy to agree.

After two months, we finally became intimate. He stayed over at my house and the sex was great.

But afterwards, he seemed to withdraw.

He still wants to meet and we still chat and have sex, but he’s less keen. I feel I’m doing all the running. And he still hasn’t told anyone about us.

I wonder if I should finish the relationship before I get my heart broken.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You may well be right that he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. You’ll feel a lot happier if you have an honest conversation about where things are going between you.

Don’t pressure him, but do let him know you’d really appreciate some clarity.

Perhaps sleeping with you made him feel guilty – as if he was betraying his late wife.

He hasn’t ghosted you, so it sounds like he likes you and still wants to date you. Don’t give up on him yet. But you may have to accept that things will move slower than you’d like.

Check out WAY (widowedandyoung.org.uk) for further advice. My support pack, Coping With Bereavement, provides plenty of insight, too.