My sister is furious I won’t let my child stay with her and her new boyfriend
DEAR DEIDRE: MY sister thinks I’m overreacting because I won’t let my three-year-old stay with her while her new boyfriend is there.
I don’t know him so I think I’m being a responsible parent, but she’s really annoyed with me and says I’m being overprotective.
I’m 32 and my sister is 30.
We’ve always been close and she was delighted to become an auntie to my daughter.
Since then, she’s spent lots of time with her, babysitting, taking her out, and buying her presents and treats. My little girl adores her too.
Sometimes, my daughter will stay with her for the weekend.
But recently, my sister has found a new boyfriend. He’s 28 and she’s been seeing him for a month.
My daughter was supposed to be staying with her next weekend, but I’ve said no, as I’ve learned her boyfriend will be there.
I’ve only met him once, know nothing about him and don’t feel right letting my daughter be around a strange man.
These days, I feel you can never be too careful.
It’s not just that I don’t trust him yet - I also don’t want my daughter spending lots of time with a guy who might disappear from her life if he and my sister break up.
My sister is furious. She says he’s a lovely guy, I should trust her to be a good judge of character, and it’s insulting that I won’t let her niece stay.
We’ve been arguing about it and are on the verge of falling out.
Am I in the wrong here?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s natural for a mother to want to protect her child. You don’t know this man well - and neither, frankly, does your sister.
Your gut instinct is telling you you’re uncomfortable with this situation, so it’s wise to follow it.
Ultimately, your daughter’s welfare comes first.
Tell your sister you trust her judgement but want to get to know her boyfriend better first. Explain it’s just a matter of time.
If the relationship develops, you’ll reconsider.
Make it clear how much you value her relationship with your daughter and don’t want to fall out with her over this.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you to have this conversation without it turning into another row.
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