Festive sex party with our neighbours has almost wrecked our relationship

DEAR DEIDRE: WE thought we were going to a regular festive party with the neighbours, but it turned out to be a sex party, which has almost wrecked our relationship.

We moved to a new estate last summer. Everyone seemed so friendly. We’d heard a few strange things about our immediate neighbours but we found them easy to get along with.

They’re an older couple in their mid-40s. The lady always makes a big fuss of our kids.

My wife and I are 32 and 35.

We ran into our neighbours one evening in the local pub and they invited us back to their place after closing time.

The children were at my Mum’s so we accepted their invitation then as we walked up the road, we saw lots of cars parked outside their house.

They explained they had organised a gathering for their ‘most fun’ friends. When the women took off their coats, we could see by their clothes that we weren’t dressed appropriately.

The music was cranked up and the drink started flowing. We’d already had plenty of alcohol in the pub so we went along with it.

A man of about 40 came over and started dancing with my wife and running his hands up her dress and I could see she was enjoying it.

I watched them as he kissed her and then he took her through to a different room and they had sex on a mattress on the floor.

I followed to check my wife was OK. I didn’t get off with anyone but I had a great time.

The following day my wife accused me of “giving me away to a stranger”. She’s barely spoken to me - unless it’s about what the kids are doing.

I feel she participated of her own free will. I didn’t do anything wrong. Our family life feels so different now.

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DEIDRE SAYS: The couples who enjoy swinging parties, make clear boundaries before they begin.

You didn’t have the chance to discuss it.

Find a moment to tell her that you love her and that you want to put this experience behind you.

It wasn’t something you’d signed up for and you need to get your relationship back on track.

My support pack called Relationship MOT will help and you can find quality couples counselling through Tavistock Relationships (, Tel: 020 7380 1975).