I can’t escape the flashbacks of finding my husband in bed with a neighbour

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time I go to my bed I get flashbacks of finding my husband in bed with a neighbour.

I can’t get rid of the images after I came home from a weekend away a day early and rumbled them.

I am 34 and my husband is 36. We have been married for four years and I hoped to start a family soon. Our neighbour is 38 and single.

I’d been at a school reunion but decided to leave early as the weather forecast said a bad storm was coming.

I got home and saw a pair of leather boots on the doorstep that definitely weren’t mine.

When I entered the house I could hear laughing coming from our bedroom. I crept upstairs and pushed the door open and saw my husband in bed with a woman who lives in our street.

My husband was literally begging me to forgive him.

I thought it was just a one off at first; but then I checked his phone and saw messages they’d been sending one another for months.

They were meeting up when I was working late. I am gutted.

My husband says he still loves me and wants us to try to work it out but how can I after this?

I still see them together in our bed whenever I go into our bedroom. I can’t get this image out of my mind.

I think constantly about what they’ve been doing together.

I keep wondering whether my husband enjoyed sex with this woman more than he does with me. My husband has promised me this affair was a mistake.

I do still love him and want to stay together but I feel so lost. I don’t know how to live with this.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You have had a horrible shock.

Affairs can cause havoc in relationships but unfortunately none of us gets a cast-iron guarantee that our partner will never stray. Trust once broken takes time to rebuild, but it can be done.

Your husband was very much in the wrong and he admits that.

Talk to him about changes you would both like to see that would make your marriage more satisfying, then read my support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It?

Don’t waste your energy picturing them together. Giving your bedroom a complete makeover could help you separate these hurtful memories from what should feel like your sanctuary.