My ex is trying to stop me from seeing her children – it’s breaking my heart

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex wants to stop her children seeing me as she says it affects her life when I pick them up.

I am 48 and she is 47. We were together for 10 years until we separated over a year ago.

We knew one another for a long time before we actually started a relationship. Her youngest child was only a year old when we met again.

I have a fantastic relationship with her 15 and 13-year-old boys and they both message me regularly. I pick them up to go fishing which we all look forward to.

But now my ex says she wants me to stop seeing them. I haven’t spoken to her for ages so I don’t see how I am interfering in her life. I don’t know what to do as I love seeing her boys.

It will break my heart if I can’t see them. Her eldest son has said his mum isn’t going to stop him and he will continue to see me no matter what.

I can’t help but think it is her new boyfriend who doesn’t want me near the house or hearing the children talk about the great times we share.

I know I am not their real dad but they say I am more of a dad than their own who doesn’t get involved.

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DEIDRE SAYS: This is heartbreaking when you have been a father figure throughout their formative years and built great relationships.

They won’t forget that. It does seem as though the new partner is anxious or jealous and worries that if you continue contact with the children, you will worm your way back into your ex’s life. 

Can you have a civil conversation with your ex and explain that you respect her new relationship but want to maintain the bond you have with her sons.

Reiterate how good it is for their sense of wellbeing to have positive male role models involved in their lives. 

For more advice check out Families Need Fathers (, tel: 0300 300 363).