I agreed to split custody of kids 60-40 with ex and now I’m having second thoughts
DEAR DEIDRE: BEFORE we actually separated, I agreed to give my ex-husband 60 per cent custody of our kids, but now I’m having second thoughts.
We’ve been married for five years. I’ve always loved my job and work long hours for a tech company.
I’m 41 and my husband is 40. If I’m honest he pressured me to have kids before I was ready.
Still, I love my twin daughters who are now three and a half, but I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mum.
Unfortunately the strain of parenthood pushed us over the edge and so we decided to get divorced.
My husband is self-employed and has always been the main caregiver, so we agreed he’d take the children when he moves to the other end of the country, to be with his brother and sister, who can help him with childcare.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
If the twins stayed with me, they’d be in nursery five days per week.
My family supports me but they’re all too busy to help.
I know that giving up full custody, and visiting my children as often as possible, makes sense. But I’m worried I’m going to regret this.
Shouldn’t it be me who has them 60 per cent of the time?
The problem is, that’s just not a practical solution.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This is a massive step and I understand why you’re wavering.
While convention says children should be with their mum most of the time, if that arrangement won’t benefit your children, you shouldn’t feel compelled to do what others expect.
But if this doesn’t sit well with you, as you have hinted, then it would certainly be worth looking for other compromises.
Could you move closer to your ex? Maybe you could work from home?
Don’t agree to access arrangements unless you 100 per cent comfortable.
To get clarity and expert advice, talk to onlymums.org.
They help parents (there’s an Onlydads too) who’ve decided to split do the best for their children.
They can advise on legal rights and you can talk with a solicitor, barrister or mediator at no cost.
I do hope you can find the support you need.