I am tempted to cut stingy in-laws out of our Christmas celebrations
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband’s loaded family are so stingy with us every Christmas, I’m tempted to cut them out of our celebrations completely. I’m 56 and he’s 62.
We work full-time for the local council and don’t have children of our own.
Every year we spend time and money on the perfect presents for everyone on his side of the family – including brothers, sisters and their kids – but each year we get less and less in return.
Last year we spent £300 on gifts for our nieces and nephews, including £90 on hair straighteners and a £75 hoodie. In return, they clubbed together to give us a keyring.
They didn’t even stretch to a Christmas card.
The year before, I spent hours trawling the shops for the perfect fluffy throw for his sister’s bedroom (as requested on her annual wish list).
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Instead of saying thanks, she sent it back saying it was too small. I’ve had enough.
It’s not just the money, although they’re all well off and we’re currently struggling. It’s the lack of thought.
I feel we’re being taken for a ride.
I want to blow the money we’ve set aside for their gifts on a weekend away or donate the lot to charity.
My husband doesn’t dare, worried we’ll cause a rift. What should we do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Christmas is often a time when families fall out, and your in-laws sound extremely ungrateful.
I don’t blame you for wanting to cut back. They’re taking your goodwill for granted and using you like a Christmas catalogue.
Unfortunately your husband’s siblings are teaching their kids to be selfish too, so this behaviour will continue unless it’s stopped.
I think it is wise to change your festive spending.
To keep relationships amicable it would be wise to discuss a mutual approach with your in-laws.
Perhaps you could all do a secret santa, or agree to a budget of £20- £30 per person.
But whatever you do, make sure you have the conversation and agree on a plan that works for all of you.
Ideally, you’d be having this conversation earlier than mid November but it’s still worth having the discussion.
Spend the gift budget on a lovely celebration for your own friends and family or donate it to a charity.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help your husband talk to his family without feeling bad.