DEAR DEIDRE
My wife cheated the day after our wedding – and still expects to go on a honeymoon
READ Dear Deidre Editor Sally Land's personal replies to today's problems
DEAR DEIDRE: IT only took my new wife one day before she cheated.
Now she just expects us to go on honeymoon like nothing happened. I feel so confused.
We’re both 38 and met at work three years ago. When I first set eyes on her I was immediately drawn in, but assumed she was out of my league.
She’s stunning, funny and outgoing, whereas I’m shy, a bit nerdy and overweight.
I couldn’t believe it when she asked me out for a drink. Since that first date we’ve been inseparable.
We moved in together after two months, and this year, our first leap year together, she proposed to me on February 29 and I immediately said “Yes!”.
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When I saw her walking up the aisle towards me on our wedding day, it felt like a dream come true. I probably celebrated a bit hard at the open bar, because by 10pm I was swaying.
My new wife tucked me up in the bridal suite and left, saying she’d go and say goodbye to our guests.
When I woke up at 3am, she was crying in the bathroom and confessed she’d got off with the bloke behind the bar after she left me in bed.
I’m so humiliated, I haven’t told anyone. She’s saying she was hurt that I passed out.
She thinks we should go off on our planned honeymoon next month like nothing happened. I don’t know what to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife was no doubt annoyed that you’d got drunk on your big day, but seeking comfort with someone else is an immature and reckless response.
Your wife wants to continue on honeymoon as if nothing has happened because she is in denial.
But you need to understand why she strayed so quickly. Otherwise you won’t be able to trust her and build a strong marriage.
Your honeymoon should be a time to concentrate and enjoy each other. Instead, you’ll likely be worrying if she’s eyeing up the tour guide.
Don’t sweep this under the carpet. Postpone the honeymoon and use the time to make some decisions.
Do you still love her and want to be with her? Does she still want to be with you?
If you are not sure how you feel, it would be good to talk to somebody impartial who can listen to you and help clarify how you should move forward with your life.
My counselling support pack will show you how therapeutic this could be.
If she seems genuinely remorseful, you might be able to work things through, but she’ll need to accept responsibility and realise what she stands to lose.
I’d also recommend you work on building self-esteem, otherwise this marriage could end in divorce before you’ve got to your paper anniversary.
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