I feel so guilty I knew nothing about my son’s sexual abuse

DEAR DEIDRE: A FATHER is supposed to protect their children but I feel so guilty that my son was sexually abused by my stepdad and I knew nothing about it.

I am 38 and my partner is 36. We have been together for 15 years. Our son is 13.

The first we knew about the abuse was when my nephew told his parents what had happened to him. He was only about six at the time and my son was five.

It made us question if our son had been targeted also. Still, it took him ages to open up.

My partner is stronger than me and is able to deal with it but I feel so guilty.

Every time I look at my son my heart sinks. I feel like crying and have thought about ending my life but I just can’t do it. 

My son is getting older now and sometimes I worry about his behaviour. Is he acting out because of what happened to him or because he is now a teenager and this is just normal.

I no longer speak to my mum. I miss her but she doesn’t understand when I try to talk to her about what happened.

My stepdad was charged and he will appear in court in the new year. My life is just a nightmare that I can’t get away from. I am struggling to cope.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Discovering your child has been sexually abused is a traumatic experience and distressing for everyone in your family. My support pack Abused As A Child? explains more.

This was not your fault but it is important to get help for yourself to help you cope with the emotions you face. 

Survivors’ Network has information for families, friends and partners ().

Acts Fast () supports families impacted by child sexual abuse and sexual assault. They can help advise you on how to support your son.