I caught my daughter-in-law with another man – how do I tell my son?

DEAR DEIDRE: I caught my daughter-in-law in a state of half undress with another man and now I don’t know how to break the news to my son.

The last thing I want is to tear their family apart again, but I can’t bear keeping this secret from him.

I’m his 63-year-old mother. He’s 37, his wife is 35, and they’ve been together for nine years. They share a three-year-old son and a six-year-old daughter. 

Letting myself into their kitchen to drop off some gifts, I got the shock of my life. 

There was my daughter-in-law with one of their supposed friends - there was no denying what was going on.

In the early stages of their relationship they split up several times, but when they had their children, they seemed to be making it work.

Things between them were going well until a few years ago my son discovered she had been sleeping with another man.

He decided to give her another chance and she promised she would never betray him again.

But lately, my son has been commenting about her working late or saying she felt too ill to go to work. I foolishly reassured him he was worrying about nothing.

The weight of my discovery is getting me down.

I know he deserves to know the truth, but I can’t cope, knowing it’ll break his heart.

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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s understandable you’re struggling to grapple with this. 

But really you don’t have to do anything - your daughter-in-law does. Talk to her and explain that she needs to address this.

It’s time they focus on saving their marriage, work on it with a relationship counsellor, and only if they decide they are better off apart, then should she consider meeting someone else. 

They can contact TR -  formerly Tavistock Relationships ().

Tell her you won’t be sharing her secret, but that she needs to talk honestly with your son. He already senses something is going on, so this news won’t come as a complete shock.

It’s also likely his children will be picking up on some tension at home. Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, so they can suffer a lot when this type of thing happens.

I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which explains more about their feelings and needs.

In the meantime, be supportive and loving in any way you can to your son and grandkids. They’ll need that from you right now more than anything.