DEAR DEIDRE
I’m sick of being second best to my lover’s obnoxious bully of a husband
Her husband’s a piece of work and she has confirmed he’s verbally abusive to her
DEAR DEIDRE: AS soon as we’ve finished having sex, my lover jumps out of bed and rushes home to cook dinner for her husband.
She’s barely even put her top back on before she’s out the door and playing the perfect housewife.
I’m fed up being second best to her obnoxious bully of a husband.
I dated this woman when we were in our teens, but we went our separate ways, and I am now a divorced man of 45. She’s 43 with two sons.
When I ran into her at a Sunday market near where I live, I was elated.
She looked as stunning as ever. She was selling jewellery and her face lit up when she spotted me.
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She came over and flung her arms around me. A mate looked after her stall while we went to the pub for an hour.
In that time, she told me everything she could that had happened since we last met. I did the same.
I texted her the next day to ask if she wanted to meet again. I know it was wrong because she was married, but I didn’t want her slipping through my fingers a second time.
She agreed, and it was the start of our crazy, brilliant affair.
Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it
I know her husband. He’s a piece of work and she has confirmed he’s verbally abusive to her. Last month, she was ready to leave and move in with me, but he got wind of her plans and told her he’d change.
He’s begged her to stay so she’s having second thoughts about whether she should break up the family. I can’t take much more.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Putting pressure on your girlfriend to leave won’t help her make this difficult decision.
Tell her that you’re going to give her space to make her own mind up, but that you will support her should she need it.
No more secret meetings until the time is up in, say, two months – whatever period feels right for you.
She is likely to need help to break free from her husband, and my support pack, Abusive Partner?, provides plenty of advice and information on this.
She will hopefully decide to make a positive change for herself and her sons and you will know you’ve done the right thing.
My support pack called Your Lover Not Free explains further options.
However, you also need to be realistic with yourself and discuss how long you are willing to wait as there are no guarantees that she will ever leave.
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