DEAR DEIDRE
I was a proud lesbian but sex with my ex-boyfriend has me questioning everything
READ Dear Deidre Editor Sally Land's personal replies to today's problems.
DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS loud and proud about being lesbian and getting married but six months on and I’m so full of shame after a wild night of sex with my first ever boyfriend.
Now I can’t get him out of my mind and it’s making me question everything.
Every part of me is desperate to see him again.
I’m 30 and female and my wife is 29. I feel ashamed that I’ve cheated on her so quickly.
Our relationship became boring once the honeymoon period was over.
We have been together for three years in total but we like different things. She’s into yoga and chilling and I like going to the gym and partying.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page or email us at:
Now my first love is back in the picture, everything’s changed.
When we first met I was 17, he was 19. We talked for hours every night and I fell madly in love.
My strict upbringing meant we couldn’t be together and I had to focus on my A Levels but we were good friends.
When I ran into him in town a month ago, I was surprised when a rush of feelings came flooding back.
I’d gone out for a few drinks with some colleagues and I couldn’t find a taxi home so I headed to the bus station.
I was so surprised to see my ex there as last I’d heard, he had moved away. It was great catching up with him and when the bus pulled in at his stop first, he invited me in.
We both knew what was going to happen — the sex was so passionate and now I long for him even more. I want to see him again but I don’t want to end things with my wife.
I’m in love with two people but my wife doesn’t excite me like my ex does.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It was wrong to cheat but getting back with your first love has thrown up lots of questions.
It may feel as exciting now as it did back in your teens but that doesn’t mean it would work as a lasting relationship. This fling feels real and thrilling but was it an itch that needed to be scratched?
Ending a marriage is a huge step. If you think you’d prefer life with a man then this will be life-changing and you may have to ride the storm.
Be sure to find some space from him while you decide what it is you really want.
My support packs Bisexual Questions, and Gay Questions, will help you think this through.
If the real problem is that you’ve let your relationship with your wife drift, talk to her about strengthening it by getting some couples’ counselling through Tavistock Relationships (, Tel: 020 7380 1975).
Topics