DEAR DEIDRE
My husband’s disturbing kink has made me question everything
READ Dear Deidre Editor Sally Land's personal replies to today's problems.
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER a three year relationship I thought I really knew my husband but a disturbing revelation has made me question everything.
He has got a kink that I have never even heard of before - mummification.
While it’s not quite as bad as it sounds, it still makes me enormously uncomfortable and so far I haven’t been able to oblige him.
I can see he is trying to be understanding but I know that my hesitance is a problem.
I’m 29 and he’s 31.
Trying to reassure me, he explained ‘It’s just where one person gets wrapped up so they can’t move and become the other’s play thing’.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page or email us at:
He says it’s not about hurting me, it’s about surrendering, constraint and the most incredible release.
He wants to wrap me head to toe in bandages so I can’t move. I would become the ‘ultimate sex toy’.
But the idea terrifies me and makes me feel claustrophobic.
We have engaged in light bondage and a little blindfolding, but he’s always pushing for more.
I can see he’s not satisfied and I think he’s beginning to get frustrated. As he keeps coming back to this.
I’ve tried to suggest other sexual adventures but I can tell mummification is the one thing he really wants.
I only wish I had known about his kink before we married.
Is there any way to satisfy him without indulging him in this way, or even to get him to change his sexual preferences?
I’m worried that if we don’t solve this, he will cheat to satisfy his needs or that we will have to go our separate ways.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: No one should ever engage in any sexual act that they are not 100 per cent comfortable with.
Please do not cave in simply to appease your husband as long term this will only cause resentment and more issues.
Mummification comes under the umbrella of BDSM and for those who practise it, the attraction is exploring constraint, trust and surrender.
But consent is the cornerstone and must be given freely. Without this, it’s a complete non-starter.
You are assuming your husband isn’t satisfied but you need to have a conversation with him about his kink.
Can he compromise? Would he like to be less dependent on this kink?
Suggest you both visit a sex and relationship therapist who will help you explore what your options are. COSRT () will help connect you with a reputable practitioner.
Topics