I love my older girlfriend but our 20-year age gap is causing us issues
DEAR DEIDRE: PEOPLE say my girlfriend is a cougar because she’s over 20 years older than me, but I’m proud to be with her.
However, she’s embarrassed - she won’t introduce me to her friends or family, and we always stay at my home. How can I convince her that I genuinely love her and want a future with her?
I’m a 27-year-old guy, and she is 49. We’ve been together for three years.
For me, the fact she’s a mature woman is only a positive. She’s beautiful, confident, independent and fantastic in bed.
She’s experienced, so knows exactly what she likes and how to please me.
At first, my mates thought it was all a big joke, calling me her toy boy.
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Some of them still don’t understand why I’m with her, not a girl my own age.
But the close ones have realised it isn’t just about sex, and now they totally accept her.
As for her friends, I have no idea what they think, because she won’t let me meet them.
We spend several nights of the week and every weekend together, but always at my flat.
It’s starting to get me down. I’m not bad looking, have a good job and my own home.
I can’t understand why she’s ashamed of me. We have a lot of interests in common, and she’s never made me feel she thinks I’m immature.
I’ve told her how happy she makes me and that one day I’d like to marry her.
But that can’t happen if she is keeping me a secret.
As far as I’m concerned, age is just a number. Why can’t I make her believe that too?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Society can be judgemental about relationships with large age gaps.
But many couples do have happy, lasting relationships, despite their age difference.
Perhaps your girlfriend feels she will be judged harshly, or her friends won’t have anything in common with you.
She may be concerned about the future - for example, if you want children, which she won’t be able to give you.
Or she may also not truly believe you’re in it for the long haul. Alternatively, perhaps she isn’t, which is why she’s keeping you to herself.
You need to talk to her openly about your worries. Tell her how you feel and ask her to be honest.
My support packs on Age Gaps and With A Younger Man? will help you think about the issues you’re facing.