DEAR DEIDRE
I’m riddled with guilt after illicit sex sessions with our third partner
READ Dear Deidre Editor Sally Land's personal replies to today's problems.
DEAR DEIDRE: SECRETLY meeting up with our third partner for illicit sessions has been thrilling and yet I’m unsettled.
I haven’t done anything with this other woman that my wife hasn’t seen me do with her already but still I feel bad.
1
I’m a man of 35 and my wife is 33. We’ve been married for five years and we have a baby and a toddler.
My wife is a stay-at-home mum and I work in construction.
Our relationship is great but since the kids have been born, sex feels vanilla and dull. It’s a quickie at best at bedtime because we are so tired.
A mate raved about a hook-up website he joined boasting he'd had some great sexual encounters.
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So after a glass or two of wine one night, I suggested spicing things up in the bedroom with my wife.
She agreed but wanted to go with another woman, not a man. We filled in a dating profile and several women matched with us. We chose the one who we were most attracted to.
We hired a babysitter, went to a hotel and met our date in the bar. She looked amazing, was 29 and single.
We took some wine to our room and the fun started. It was great to feel desired by two women and to see them together.
The following weekend the woman contacted me again, asking to meet. I went to her place and we had oral sex together.
It was exciting but now I feel guilty towards my wife. Should I see if she will give me a pass?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Opening up any relationship is a delicate business and strong communication is the foundation of success.
You both agreed to a one-off threesome, but did you discuss the boundaries around this?
I doubt your wife would have sanctioned you meeting this woman alone - and certainly not without discussion.
Some people can make non-monogamy work but bringing people outside your relationship into your bedroom is fraught with risk.
And this woman’s requests suggest she could be getting emotionally involved with you which could jeopardise your marriage.
When you have a young family, your sexual relationship does take a back seat, but with effort you can still connect and have fun.
Nothing stays the same forever, in the future you will find you both have more time and energy to invest in each other.
Don’t jeopardise your good relationship by having secret meetings. My support pack called Fancy A Threesome? explains more.
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